A Lotus in the Mud
by Matyrfae
Summary: Commander Brina Shepard thought she would take the knowledge of what really happened on Torfan to the grave,but after a quick visit to Omega the truth comes out...
1. Past meets Present

**AN: So this is the main event! This is the story that Odds and Ends stems from... Huge thanks to the author Kittenseye who helped me greatly with all her stellar plot ideas. I am shoving multitudes of cookies your way. You people should go read her fanfic 'As the Hearse Goes Driving By' for it is epic...**

_**"A Lotus grows in the mud"-Old tibetan saying**_

Shepard never knew how to react to Omega. She hated its filthiness, but a small part of her loved it. Made her feel like she was back in Earth's underground helping the Reds gain more territory in the slums, inch by bloody inch. It was the closest feeling to homesickness Shepard ever got, which probably made her a freak. As she browsed the seedy market she examined the poverty. Batarians and Vorcha scattered about, some lying in their own filth. She recalled Jacob making a remark of how he hated Omega leaving the bodies in the streets...but Shepard actually admired the place for it. Where other cities tried to cover up the darker sides of city life Omega was brutally honest…which was probably one of the reasons why it was so disliked, you could comfortably walk the streets of Illium safe in your illusion that nothing was wrong in the world, but on Omega you had to face the fact that folks were starving and dying and there wasn't much you could do for them. She found herself pausing a little too long at the sight of a Vorcha who was most likely feeding off a severed arm, probably snagged from a corpse thrown in the gutter…

"Come on Shepard let's get in, get out, and as far away from this piss hole as possible." A small smile graced her lips as she imagined Garrus's face behind her.

"You don't have to stay Garrus, if you hate Omega so much go wait on the ship. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself." Her smile widened as she heard him growl.

"Shepard you haven't lived here…do you have any idea the things that could happen to you in an instant?" She turned towards the turian. _Yup…there's the look!_ Her lips pushed out in an exaggerated pout,

"Come on Garrus, that's half the fun of shopping here! That added touch of danger…the thrill of the adrenaline…" She was teasing, but he took her seriously.

"Do you have any idea what Thane would do to me if you got hurt on my watch? I don't know about you…but I like my plates and I would very much like them to stay attached to my skin." Shepard sighed, suddenly frustrated. This was a sore spot with her, the one thing she and her drell lover ever fought on. In fact the only reason she was being escorted by the turian instead of the drell was because said drell's moody adolescent son had showed up unannounced and even more moody for reasons unknown. Shepard found herself wondering when she was going to get her explanation for the younger Krios's more recent 'pleasure cruise'. Coming out of her thoughts she looked up into Garrus's face, remembering why she was mad,

"I am a grown woman, I can take care of myself I don't need a fucking babysitter!" Her hands bunched into fists, "Damn it I killed a reaper!" she whined. Garrus nodded solemnly,

"I know, and I understand your frustration with him. But try to look at it his way…" Garrus's voice trailed off as he watched her face,

"You are taking _his_ side?" The turian, if he hadn't been afraid it would get him shot, would have laughed at the tiny human woman. She had her hands planted firmly on her round hips, tiny body shaking in rage making her almost crimson red hair fly about her small oval face which was tight in fury, dark eyes gleaming murderously. Garrus threw his talons up defensively,

"Now Shepard hold on! The man lost his wife because he wasn't there to protect her…can you not see why he is so overprotective of you?" Shepard's face softened, and he was glad to see the anger begin to dull in her eyes. She slumped against him and he put his arm around her, tickling her back with his talons in an attempt to soothe her.

"God damn I've been a heartless shrew haven't I?" She felt more than heard Garrus chuckle and it loosened the knots in her shoulders. _Garrus is the best_… she thought.

"You definitely have your moments, but who am I to judge?" They straightened and continued through the markets.

Shepard couldn't stop laughing as they neared the docking bay. "I cannot believe you bought that!" Garrus began to laugh too as he slid the copy of Fornax into their bags.

"What? Everything is so tense on the Normandy…I thought we could all use a laugh!" Shepard snorted,

"More like a nightmare…did you have to get the volus issue?" Garrus's bark of laughter caused several passersby to turn in alarm.

"It was the only one on the rack!" Shepard rolled her eyes as she turned into the corridor leading back to the ship. Suddenly the hallway they were in began to fill with the piercing shrieks of Vorcha in combat. Shepard slid her carnifex from its holster realizing that manic paranoia had only ever helped her in life.

Rounding the corner the duo came face to face with vorcha entrails. "Oh that feels _nice_…" Shepard hissed sarcastically as she wiped the gore from her face. Garrus brought his attention from his ruined armor to the battle ensuing in front of them.

A slim figure stood calmly in the center of a stasis field as it flung dark matter through a group of vorcha, slicing them in two. More blood spattered the walls and as Garrus examined the nearest stains he noted there was as much human as there was vorcha. The figure had obviously been wounded and he wondered how he could have missed that when the figure limped forward. "Evlin!" Shepard cried as she rushed into the fray. Garrus leaned against the wall, knowing the fight would be over in a matter of moments as he heard the sharp cracks of Shepard's carnifex join the shrieks of her prey.

Once the last vorcha fell Shepard turned towards her new companion. The girl was covered head to toe in oil and street sludge causing her to appear as black as any shadow, though solid. Still glowing blue her small body trembled as she sunk to the floor. "Evlin…" Shepard sighed as she pulled the girl into a tight embrace, not caring at all that she was filthy and stank of rotting flesh and refuse. She hadn't seen this child in years, and had thought she never would again…

"Uh Shepard… You mind telling me who this is?" Garrus came forward, holding their recent purchases. She gazed down at the muddied face of one of the most precious beings in her world.

"Her name is Evlin…we need to get her to Chakwas."

. . .

"Shepard…what on earth?" Chakwas leapt up from her office chair as Shepard placed Evlin on one of the many tables in the med bay.

"Vorcha attack…she's bleeding but I can't tell where…" Chakwas slapped her hands away and pushed the two out of the small room.

"Shepard you still haven't told me who that is." Garrus had never seen his commanding officer in such a state. Said officer had her face firmly planted against the glass window into the medical room, watching intently as the doctor began to scrub vigorously at the tiny being. Some of the sludge was beginning to fade, the skin showing a tinge of pink.

"That's Evlin...Garrus, the closest thing to a daughter I have ever had. I don't know what she is doing out here…I had thought I'd set her up with a nice family on earth…" Garrus's mandibles had widened significantly at the mention of Shepard having children. Even if she hadn't given birth to the young girl herself…he had never really taken Shepard for the mothering type.

"I'm not the most motherly person," She stated softly, as if she had read his mind "but it scares me what I would do to keep that girl alive and well…" Garrus nodded. It sometimes frightened him what he was willing to do for Shepard.

"Where did you two meet?" He asked. Shepard's chocolate eyes seemed to darken and when she responded her voice was almost a growl "Torfan" she turned to lock eyes with him, a grim expression on her face.

"We had begun our raid and all was going well…until we heard her screaming. As we continued further into the base we saw Evlin…naked and chained to the ceiling, suspended by her wrists we watched in horror as her body swung from side to side. The cold metal had bit into her wrists and every time her body swung they sliced deeper hence the screaming. As we got her down the room flooded with batarians and my squad of five was forced to fight in close combat." Shepard turned back to the girl, now significantly cleaner. "It was kind of like a slow moving meat grinder… I shielded her with my body as my team took the brunt of the force. It was over in mere moments and I shot the last two and walked out with her trembling in my arms." She shivered and Garrus found himself wanting to hug her, but knowing she would just shrug him away. She was his only friend in the galaxy; he hated to see her in pain.

"If that's what happened why do they call you a monster…why are you the butcher of Torfan?" Shepard pressed her forehead against the glass window, sighing heavily.

"If the alliance ever got wind of her existence she would be instantly abducted for interrogations and experiments." She turned to look him in the eye "She was holed up in that base for god knows how long getting raped and beaten over and over again… to go from that to alliance labs where strange doctors would jam needles into her skin all day long… no, fuck no…if I have to be seen as a monster so be it, but I would know myself as a monster if I had handed her over. I kept silent, letting them believe I just threw my men's lives away to 'get the job done'." Garrus was floored at her confession. He had seen the pain in her eyes as the news feeds tormented her, calling her a heartless murderer among other things, but he had always assumed it was regret that pained her, not this…

"Shepard…" He didn't know how to respond. She smiled sadly,

"its okay Garrus…Evie is worth it." He looked back to find Dr. Chakwas had finished bathing the girl and was now running a scanner over the small body.

The girl was beautiful by human standards, not that he had a thing for humans… Her long coffee colored hair hung in thick wet tendrils around her body, framing a heart shaped face. She had a small nose and little perfectly shaped pink lips. Her body was now shrouded in a thick blanket and Garrus soon realized she was shivering.

"What are you going to do with her?" Shepard stepped back from the glass, standing straighter as she clasped her hands behind her back. It was a pose she had soon adopted to tease Thane…but had slowly (and unconsciously) started falling into when thinking deeply.

"I'm going to find out what brought her to Omega when she wakes up and then I'm going to raise hell on the guardians I entrusted her too for letting her leave." Garrus was surprised at her words. "She is unstable Garrus...she can't control her biotics...I found out from one of the surviving batarians I had interrogated before killing him that she was used as a pet. They had scored her as a small child from a colony and would pit her against anything from Varren to other slaves. She knows nothing of etiquette with others besides in a fight." She sighed as she looked to the floor. "I left her in the care of strong individuals who I thought could handle her. She has to learn how to be human…right now she is little more than an animal." Garrus nodded slowly, not sure how to react to that.

On the one hand he was happy that she was off the dive that was Omega, but this was still the Normandy and not an orphanage…especially one that catered to dangerous individuals who seemed like ticking time bombs. He was about to voice his opinion when the girl opened her eyes and Garrus Vakarian lost all conscious thought.

_They're golden…_ he registered vaguely, bright pools of liquid sunlight, shining like beacons against the darkness of the med bay. He felt himself grow dizzy as their eyes locked and it was almost impossible for him to look away. He managed though, and was shocked upon finding Shepard's expression. The tenderness that swept over her face took his breath away and every feature of the hard, badass, stoic commander softened instantly. A new smile, one he had never seen spread across her lips and she moved to go into the room.

Now alone in the mess hall Garrus realized that the girl had every right to be housed on this ship. The commander had done everything she possibly could to make sure her crew were ready for the Omega 4 Relay… had taken many side trips and risked her life to help piece the entire squad's lives together before bringing them to what at that time had been assumed as certain death. Never once among those dangerous missions did she ask for anything in return except their loyalty to the cause. Garrus knew well how shattered his commander's life was, but he hadn't been able to think of anything he and the crew could have done to help piece it together… until now.

Evlin would be protected and well taken care of on the Normandy. It was a vow as soon as the thought passed through his head. If it helped his commander, then whatever havoc this girl wreaked would be dealt with silently and with no complaints on his part. This was Shepard's loyalty mission.


	2. Awakenings and other things

**AN: Okies, so here's how I wanna do this...All of Shepard's scenes (and those seperate from Evlin) are going to be in third person POV while Evlin's is going to be in first...I jump around a bit in this chapter so if it's confusing I apologize...**

**Also, forgot to put a disclaimer so, what the hell? *looks at back of laptop* Property of Bioware? Damn it!**

I open my eyes slowly, and find a turian staring at me through a window. He has nice eyes…like ice. I find his personality to be warmer than his eyes, though I sense a great conflict within…he is unsure of himself and it shows as plainly as the plates on his flesh. He turns from me to address a figure behind the door and I examine my surroundings.

Where am I? I feel cold metal bite into my skin as I squirm on what appears to be an operating table. My surroundings indicate a med bay of sorts…interesting. I am not afraid…for I have seen things no one should witness and I have endured way worse than most. I am confident whatever fate has befallen me I can handle it. Besides, if my captors wished me harm I doubt I would have been wrapped in a heated blanket.

The hiss of a door opening makes me jump and before I know it warm arms are embracing me. I struggle against them at first…only one individual is allowed to touch me…but then the smell hits my nostrils. It is heady, yet sweet…it is a type of flower I know that much. _Honeysuckle_…I smile, remembering…and then realize who exactly is hugging me.

"Ma" It is a whisper, a prayer…a _mantra_. Her arms squeeze tighter and I revel in the feel. "Evlin…" She breathes against my hair and I want to cry out in happiness. This woman is my savior…my salvation…my guardian. It is she who braved the slavers to get me…she who risked it all and lost much simply to protect _me_. I do not know my birth mother… I'm not even sure if I possess one…but this is whom I consider as such, she even _named_ me.

I finally look up into warm eyes, the color of the whiskey the slavers used to drink. They shine like gemstones with unshed tears as we stare into each other's souls. I finally feel complete for whenever she leaves there is a hole in my being…one only she can fill. I snuggle deep into her shoulder, loving the crimson hair curtaining my face; I had thought this one lost… I cry…I weep openly. It is only this woman who can make me cry now…

"Ma…" I whimper against her uniform. She hushes me, rocking my upper body back and forth, humming my favorite lullaby until my tears stop. She pulls away slowly and helps me sit up. "Ma, I thought you had died." A look of sorrow flashes in her eyes but is quickly suppressed. "I did Evie…but an organization named Cerberus brought me back. It took two years." I find it difficult to process…humans now possessed the knowledge on how to wake the dead? I had thought that impossible… "How Ma?" I cannot stop saying her name…each time I do I feel my body grow warmer, she is a beautiful being in this ugly world and I find I can't stop staring at her. I never thought I would again.

"I am not even sure myself…" I examine her closely and find she _has_ changed. Her hair is shorter than when she first found me… her eyes have hardened as well. From a distance she looks exactly the same, but up close there are differences, though subtle. Her skin isn't exactly the same color; her face is free of laugh lines… The only major change I can find though is the jagged scar on her face. It runs from her right eye down to the side of her mouth, a small part of her lips are disfigured too. I reach out and touch it, watching as she flinches. "What happened to you Ma?" She closes her eyes, leaning into my touch. "A moment of weakness Evie, it isn't important." I pull my hand away from the torn flesh. The sorrow in her eyes fades, replaced by a very fragile happiness. "We have a lot to catch up on, you and I…" I nod, and then bury myself in her embrace again. This is my home…this is my _true_ home.

. . .

The bass from the speakers of Afterlife was causing the walls to shake. It was a full house, the club packed with species of all types. Their bodies thrummed together along with the beat, asari dancers flinging themselves against their poles. So much candy for the eyes…but Jax was having none of it. He had been pursuing his quarry for years…and the trail had now finally gone cold. It was a bitter pill to swallow, so he used alcohol.

The batarian leaned against the bar, scoping out the scene before ordering himself a drink. "What'll it be?" The turian bar tender's flanging voice irritated him for some strange reason. "I don't give a fuck what you give me as long as it's strong." A glass was shoved into his hand, filled with a milky green liquid. "Strongest drink in the house" The turian turned toward the other customers as Jax chugged the beverage, noticing the acrid flavor as it slid down his throat.

A Krogan slumped against the bar, furiously gesturing for a drink even though the bartender was in front of him. He was obviously inebriated. He turned his large head in Jax's direction, causing the batarian to curse under his breath at the annoyance of talking with a stranger. "H-Hey… didja see the fight out in the alley?"

"No" Jax made his response as rude as possible. The idiotic Krogan responded anyway, "Man, yoo shoulda seen it! This tiny human female was killing masses of Vorcha…..and then Commander Shepard saved her!" The drunk off his ass krogan now had Jax's full attention. "What did this girl look like?" The krogan gulped his glass of Ryncol, "She was dripping in street sludge, but she had long strands of…what is it humans have…hair? That's all I could really make out…strong biotics too…" He burped, the sound making Jax's insides churn. "Better than most asari I'll bet…" Jax rolled his eyes, this krogan was useless. "Why did Commander Shepard join the fight?" He tried to make this statement as understandable as possible…he was talking to a drunk krogan after all. "To hell if I know…she was just yelling 'Evlin!' Over and over…it got really annoying. Then she and this bastard Turyian took her onto their ship…"The krogan hiccupped…then fell to the ground.

_Evlin…_ Jax felt his blood begin to boil, his pulse throbbing in his ears. Adrenaline filled his weary veins and he smiled for the first time in years. The trail had just warmed up…

. . .

Shepard entered the Loft, a huge smile on her face. She punched the button that fed her fish and began to remove her armor. "Siha" Shepard jumped, startled, and emitted a very undignified squawk. The figure in her bed gave a startled chuckle at the noise.

"Thane… I thought you were staying in Life support with Kolyat, you know…you didn't think he'd react well to us sharing a bed?" The assassin smiled, holding his arms out to her. Still in her under weave the commander crawled into the bed. Snuggling into the drell's arms she hummed appreciatively. "I couldn't sleep there…" came his gravelly reply as he settled them against the pillows. Shepard's brows pinched together, "Couldn't sleep there? Thane you _lived_ there the whole time we were fighting the collectors!" She felt her face pulled towards him and soon forgot what they had been talking about as his lips moved against hers. "I missed you…" He whispered as he pulled away. Shepard felt herself melt; yup…she was a puddle…_goddamn that romantic bastard_. "You are such a sap…" She mumbled, embarrassed. He smiled, giving a deep throaty laugh as he squeezed her. "How was Omega?" Shepard took her time in responding, tracing the black designs in Thane's scales.

"Eventful…came across a new addition to the crew…" Thane's eye ridges rose questioningly. "Her name is Evlin." Thane smiled at the way her voice softened. Shepard then spent the next few minutes re-explaining Evlin's story to Thane. When she was finished the assassin's expression was thoughtful. "Is she dangerous? You said she was unstable…" Shepard shook her head, "She is unstable, but I think she will be fine…just watch how you deal with her, she is very sensitive towards strangers. As long as we keep her emotions in check the biotic instability shouldn't be a problem." Thane nodded.

"So where is your son…I have words for him…" Shepard felt Thane stiffen slightly under her. "Siha…I would suggest holding off, I don't want him to feel pressured about staying here. I am sure he will tell us his reasoning in good time." Shepard rolled her eyes. "Listen, I know you are on shaky ground with Kolyat and I understand the fragility of yall's relationship…" Thane knew she was irritated the moment the 'yall' slipped out…her childhood in the Appalachian mountains of Earth only coming through when she was upset or excited…and by her tone she was upset, "but that doesn't give him an excuse to behave the way he does. I'm not demanding much here…I just want things to be kept civil on this ship and his walking around arrogant as hell is really starting to piss me off." Thane silenced her with a look, "Siha, I already spoke with him about his attitude, and especially towards you as this is _your_ ship he is staying on. I think something very bad has happened, something that caused him to willingly request to board this ship and I do not want to force it out of him… you and I both told him he was always welcome here." Shepard nodded, sighing. "I know…and thank you for talking to him…I really didn't want to have to punch him again." Thane laughed, though Shepard felt it more as a vibration in his chest. She looked around the room, before snuggling closer to the drell. Things were getting too serious…

Shepard's grin became wicked; Thane's breath hitching as her hands grasped a very sensitive part of the drell anatomy. "So…" Shepard's voice was a low purr, "Why don't you show me how much you missed me?" She laughed as he nipped her neck, pushing her further into the pillows. "As you wish Siha…"


	3. So much for date night

**AN: Chapter 3 people, how we doing? :) I'm hoping I haven't made Kolyat too OOC...it's very difficult to write for him, surprisingly... :-/ Anywho, hope yall enjoy...and please review!**

Kolyat closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. This ship…this godsdamn ship… he hated it here…but the alternative…no. He was stuck on this ship. _Fuck_. Resisting the memories he stretched, feeling the muscles in his abdomen clench in a pleasing way.

"Couldn't sleep either eh kid?" His eyes snapped open, taking in the short frame of Shepard as she padded out of the elevator, her feet bare. His eyes lifted, examining her choice of pajamas…what the fuck was _wrong_ with these humans? She wore a shirt and pants set, with little pictures of Hanar on them…_**Hanar**_…_Gods damn it…_

"I am not a kid." He snapped. She walked past him, shoving his head forward as she did so,

"Sure you are…at least you sure as hell act like one." He glared at her over his food, a midnight snack he was now regretting going after. Shepard found herself a plate and proceeded to make herself a sandwich… To his complete horror she actually sat at his table. She was sitting across from him…he found himself pushing against the plastic chair, trying in vain to distance himself.

"So…what brings you aboard the Normandy?" She asked innocently as she took a bite.

"None of your damn business" He hissed, shoving his own meal away from him. He wasn't hungry anymore…

"What do you mean 'none of my damn business'? It's my fucking ship!" He scoffed at her outburst. He owed her no explanation.

"What's with the pajamas?" She glanced down, easily distracted, "What these? Do you like them?" He hated her smile.

"They look ridiculous and I find them insulting." One of Shepard's eyebrows rose,

"Really now? Well, firstly I don't give a fuck what you think of them… and secondly your father bought them for me." It was Kolyat's turn to raise an eyebrow…or eye ridge, "What?" Shepard laughed and the sound of it caused his scales to itch in irritation. "He found them quite amusing… he laughs whenever I wear them. He's been so worried about you I figured he needed to laugh a little." She took another bite of her sandwich, "You know most boyfriends buy their lovers lingerie…but mine happens to buy me flannel pj's with Hanar on them…" She giggled, Commander Shepard actually _giggled_.

They sat in silence after that. Kolyat had nothing to say to this human… she talked enough in his opinion. Shepard finished her food and after putting the dishes away placed a hand on Kolyat's shoulder. He stiffened and delivered a glare that should have unsettled her, but she only smiled. When she spoke her tone was sarcastic, "Goodnight Kolyat, I enjoy these little chats we share." _Well yay for you...because I sure as hell don't._

Shepard's lithe form retreated into the darkened elevator. Kolyat's sigh of relief was deafening in the now quiet mess hall. Damn it he had already accepted the fact that she was dating his father…what else did the human _want_? Closing his eyes he felt his body convulse slightly as the memories took hold.

_She stares up at me; ocean blue eyes cloud my vision. She is beautiful…so beautiful, everything about my Oriana is perfect…and therein lies the problem. I am not perfect it seems…at least not perfect enough for her. The pretty boy off to the side is…I'm still trying to process her actually having brought him along to witness our spectacle. "If that is your wish Oriana…I shall step aside." I try to hide my emotions from her, save her the embarrassment of watching my pain…but by the slight irritation in her perfect blue eyes I see that I have failed. "It is my wish." With that closing statement she turns, clasps hands with my replacement and walks away, the sharp clacks of her heels echoing in the steel corridor. I am forced to watch them walk off into the distance, towards what I don't know…All I know is pain, and slight envy for she will move on to forget I ever existed…but I will be cursed with her memory forever._

Kolyat took a deep shuddering breath, opening his eyes slowly to find the chair opposite him was occupied again by…_sweet Amonkira no…gods no…please, anything but this…_

Thane Krios regarded his son calmly, an air of understanding gracing his features, "So I take it things with the younger Ms. Lawson have not gone well…" _I need to get off this ship..._

. . .

Shepard stared at her food, smiling. Thane had very nicely made her dinner and brought it to her cabin. He seemed a lot happier now that he knew what was wrong with Kolyat. Shepard's heart went out to the kid…he had really liked Oriana. Shepard figured she would have to say something to Miranda…though the woman probably already knew…Miri made most psychotic stalkers look like naïve children. She took a bite of her food, spaghetti.

"Mmmmm,This is really good Thane." The assassin smiled, pleased with himself.

"You are most welcome Siha." The image of Thane in a 'kiss the cook' apron sprung to mind and Shepard snorted, almost choking on the noodles. Thane patted her on the back, face concerned.

"I'm alright!" She coughed, "Just realized I need to get something next time we go to the Citadel." Thane looked slightly amused as he picked up his fork and began to eat.

"This is nice…" She stretched her foot out to bump against his ankle. "Thank you." He reached out to grasp her hand. They didn't get moments like these often…and Shepard basked in the normalcy. At least she basked until the AI interrupted everything.

"Shepard…Evlin is currently destroying the deck 3 mess hall, I suggest you make haste." Shepard and Thane stared at each other for a split second, before running to the elevator.

. . .

**Normandy SR2- Mess Hall, ten minutes earlier**

The Normandy is a fine ship…if a bit cold. I smile at Mr. Gardner, who has kindly made me tea…even putting a slice of lemon into it for me. He is a kind soul, warm, and I am comforted by his presence. He waves as he moves toward the crew quarters, his shift is over.

There is a hiss off to my left and a teal version of Mr. Krios enters the mess. I instantly feel cold; his discomfort of his surroundings hangs about him in a sticky, thick cloud. I shudder as he passes, though I sense sadness more than anger. The only issue though, is he doesn't know how to be weak, so it all becomes anger.

He grabs a fruit from the bowl on the counter and regards me, irritated. "So you're the one Shepard saved on Omega?" I nod, sipping my tea. He scoffs, "Everyone's saying you're a freak."

"Even if that were true, I've spent almost my entire life in a batarian slaver base… 'Freak' is a compliment compared to what they called me." His eyes narrow as I catch his lie and my heart grows cold. I've called him out and he feels threatened. I move to resolve the matter, "Shepard saved me though…she helped me regain my humanity…made me less of a freak in your own words." He growls, mouth curling into a sneer,

"Shepard…always swooping in to save the day…" The anger grows and my stomach begins to tie itself into knots.

"Ma does her best to be there when she is needed…she does what is right." I pull my knees towards my chest, trying to look as nonthreatening as possible. He doesn't notice…still thinking I am a threat…the only problem is that he is right. Already I can feel my pulse quickening…my veins filling with adrenaline…_No…not here…not now!_

"You call her 'Ma' huh? That's rich…" My hands begin to shake…fingers flashing blue, I try in vain to calm myself…but his emotions mixed with the fact that he is pushing all the wrong buttons, are making it impossible. He doesn't notice my biotics…lost in his own arrogant ignorance. "She gets involved in shit that's none of her business. She should have just stayed dead." That's it…I'm gone….gone gone gone…no more girl…I am just…gone.

. . .

**Normandy SR2 Mess Hall, present time**

Shepard burst from the elevator into Kolyat, who had been huddled against the door. Everything glowed blue and one of the tables crashed into the far wall. Thane made a grab for his son, pulling him out of the line of fire.

"Siha!" He called to her as she moved towards the source of the destruction.

"Evlin!" She cried, spotting the girl. Her eyes glowed white, body writhing with energy, manipulating another table. It floated above her head, moving when she turned towards Shepard.

"Evlin…put the table down… no one's going to hurt you." Evlin was beautiful…terrifyingly beautiful. Her hair floated about her face in an auburn halo, hospital gown flowing around her body. It was this girl, in this state, that Shepard thought of whenever she heard the word 'goddess'. Evlin convulsed, the table falling to the floor at her side. Her body flickered blue for an instant before she collapsed, Shepard catching her.

As the girl shivered in her arms she turned to Kolyat, he was being held up by his father, mouth hanging open in shock. "What…the _fuck_…did you do?"

"Siha…" Shepard held up her hand, silencing him,

"No…Thane, no excuses this time." She blew a strand of red hair out of her eyes, glaring at the younger drell. "Evlin only ever loses control like that when she's been pushed. She would never lose focus by accident…someone had to taunt her."

Kolyat's face fell, his shoulders sagging. "Kolyat…" Thane turned towards his son, Shepard would have smirked if Evlin hadn't been hurting; the girl whimpered slightly, only half conscious. "What did you say?"

Kolyat moved to speak, but Evlin beat him to it. "I'm sorry Ma, he wished you dead and I lost it…I-I didn't mean to lose control Ma…I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…" She started to cry, cringing into Shepard's chest. "Please don't make me leave…I promise I'll do better…I won't talk to anyone…just please don't make me leave you Ma." Shepard cradled Evlin to her, throwing Kolyat the look she normally gave whoever she was killing.

"Kolyat…" Thane looked as if he had been punched in the gut, pain flowing across his face. The younger drell stormed off, mumbling an apology. Thane turned towards them, "Shepard…I-"

"Go see your son…" She tried to keep the hurt from her voice. Kolyat was first in Thane's life, no matter what the assassin said…and she was causing problems between the two by dating him. It was almost laughable; Thane was regretting their relationship because of the pain she was going to be in once he died…while she was regretting their relationship because she wanted him and his son to get along…and Kolyat hated her too much for that to happen easily. If Thane were healthy it wouldn't have been much of a problem…but Thane had months left, not years…they didn't have the time to wait for Kolyat to adjust. Thane sighed, before bowing and moving for Life Support. The sound of the door sliding shut was deafening.

Shepard turned back to Evlin, her heart constricting at the sight. She was shaking, her body flickering blue. Shepard squeezed her, trying in vain to comfort the girl. Evlin didn't like being reminded of her behavioral conditioning…and Shepard had her work cut out for her after this episode.

"Shhhhh…it's okay Evie…Ma is here…shhhhhh…" _So much for date night…_


	4. Apologies and Goodbyes

**AN: It was really hard to write this chapter...I actually almost gave up. I feel I should specify something...when I ask for reviews I am really seeking honest feedback, I want to hear if my story is really good or if there are flaws...I am all for constructive criticism, but I'm not looking for nasty, snide remarks. I love writing, I adore it...and if there is a mistake in my story I would very much appreciate it being pointed out...but you don't have to be rude about it. So please review my stories...but don't insult me. My thanks to those kind people who have added my story to their favs and alerts, I smile every time I get that email. And thanks to my two reviewers, I hope I get more... :)**

**And so there is no confusion: I spell Evlin's little nickname E-v-i-e that way purposefully. It is not spelled Evee because it is not _pronounced_ E-vee. It is pronounced Eh-vee, alright?**

Evlin tossed and turned in her sleep, she had always had the worst nightmares whenever she lost control. Shepard stood up from the couch…not really knowing where she was going. She shivered, remembering she had turned the heat down since Thane had moved back to Life Support…she missed him. Pulling a sweatshirt on over her pj's, she slipped into the elevator as quietly as possible, pressing the button for level 3. It wasn't until she was standing in front of Life Support that she remembered she couldn't talk to Thane…

_Damn it…_ If she woke Thane up Kolyat would wake up too and seeing as he wanted her dead she didn't want to start a fight. She fell back against the wall by the door, sliding to the ground.

"Siha?" Shepard's head jerked up. Thane was seated at one of the tables in the mess, a cup of tea sitting in front of him.

"Hey…" She mumbled. He stood, walking towards her, and helped her up.

"Are you well?" She shook her head, walking to the table and sitting down. He took his seat across from her.

"I want to apologize Thane…" His eyes grew wide.

"Whatever for Siha?" Shepard stared at the table top…trying to find the right words. She herself had never had a family, so the fact that she was the one driving a wedge between one was almost physically painful.

"Thane…I love you, more than I can possibly put into words," She smiled sadly as he moved to speak, "And you know I hate saying this sappy crap so let me finish." He closed his mouth, a small smile on his lips. "I do love you…you say I awoke you from your battle sleep…well you awoke me too. I was ready to just give up…fail…let it all just die…and you gave me a reason to fight for, a reason to live, truly _live_." She reached up and stroked the scar on her face, feeling every ridge and dent in the flesh, remembering how he had saved her. Her face darkened, "And though you have shown me exactly what I am fighting for…I feel like I haven't returned the favor." He squeezed her fingers, frowning.

"You do not need to return anything…" Shepard shook her head, smiling.

"Yes I do…you claim I helped you by finding Kolyat and stopping him from killing Talid…but look where we are at now Thane…" She looked towards Life Support, "He wishes I was dead, and now we are all living on a ship…you are being forced to pick sides and that makes me sick." She turned back to face him, he was still looking at Life Support.

"You shouldn't have to choose between Kolyat and I…and I don't want to make you choose." She clasped her hands in front of her, "I never had a family you know…never knew what it was like." She turned back to Life Support, "I had my gang brothers…but there is no loyalty amongst common thugs…I never had to choose between anyone, I didn't really care about much beyond the barrel of my pistol." She swallowed, finding her next words sticking in her throat, begging not to be spoken.

"You shouldn't have to choose Thane…I don't want to make you choose…so I'm going to choose for you." Her heart froze…_can you really do this Shep?_ Thane stared at her, his face a mix of shock and horror. "Take these last few months you have and spend them with your son…without me that becomes so much simpler." She stood, kissed his forehead and moved towards the elevator.

At the first step, agonizing pain seemed to blossom in her chest and she almost faltered…but in the end the commander knew pain very well, and was used to carrying it. She took another step, knowing she could fall apart once she entered the elevator. It felt like a century had passed when she pressed the button to summon the lift, and she wondered how she was going to manage living with the pain every day…already thinking of coping mechanisms…most involving alcohol. When the doors opened she moved to enter…but found herself pulled back.

"No." She turned to Thane…not sure she had ever heard him speak with that kind of anger, "No Siha, and how _dare_ you think I would let you do this?"

"Thane…he's your son…he comes first." He shoved her into the wall, so close his lips touched hers when he spoke,

"He does when it's important." He kissed her, softly and with feeling, "Do not think for a minute that I can get by, awake, without you." Tears began to slide down her face and he kissed them away. "Kolyat is disconnected yes, but he is healing…and I think it would be unfair to him to spend my last few months with him unhappy, pining for you."

"Thane…" She sobbed, pushing her face into his neck, loving the feel of his arms around her…and hating herself for loving it. He cradled her against him and kissed the top of her head.

"We will figure this out Siha…do not doubt that."

. . .

Shepard smiled as she played with her new necklace, the only piece of jewelry she had ever gotten. It was sterling silver, and seemed to glow when she moved the chain. Thane had been planning on it being her birthday present…but ended up giving it to her that night. It was a tiny, silver disk… etched on the front was the symbol of Arashu… "To remind you that you aren't alone…" he had said, and as her finger slid across the silver she felt warmth spread through her chest. _No…I'm not alone anymore…_

She pushed the chain back under the collar of her uniform as she finished her oatmeal. It was going to be a long day…

"Is it alright if I sit here?" Shepard's eyebrows rose as she looked at Kolyat.

"Think you can stand sitting so near me?" She cringed at the acidic response…she wanted things to be at least civil between her and the kid. Kolyat didn't respond as he sat, fidgeting as he looked at her.

"I wanted to apologize for what happened…" He said quietly, Shepard nodded.

"Good, you should apologize…but to the right person." He raised an eye ridge, "Kolyat, believe it or not you aren't the first person to wish I was dead, hell you aren't even the first person to hate my guts. I don't need you to like me, I'm not looking to be your mommy and I don't ever expect you to see me that way." She leaned back in her chair, fixing him with a look that would normally have most mercs pissing themselves.

"What I do expect is that on my ship you treat my friends and crew with the decency and respect they deserve." He bowed his head, "These people you've been insulting have walked through hell so that people like you can live and you damn well better be grateful because they lost friends and family to this cause." She leaned forward, making sure she had his full attention, "Evlin is a good girl, a nice girl…a girl who has been through way more shit than any sentient being should and you had no right to bait her like that." He nodded, eyes holding both pain and more than a little regret, "I don't care what you think of me Kolyat…but she doesn't deserve your hostility, she's been in enough pain."

"It won't happen again…" Shepard nodded,

"It better not…now go apologize to _her_." The kid smiled at her, actually smiled. He stood,

"That was my next stop actually." Shepard felt the muscles in her shoulders slacken, taking another bite of oatmeal. _There may be hope for him yet…_

. . .

I sit on the floor, staring up at Ma's fish tank. They are beautiful, each little soul flitting by with so much grace and beauty… It is hard to look away. Ma's room is perfect for her…it is sparse, but perfect. No fuss, no knickknacks…it's just her sleeping space.

I see bits of clutter left by her assassin though… I have met him only once, and I can see why Ma chose him. He is a genuinely kind soul, one of the nicest I have ever met. It is puzzling how such a kind spirit could create the blackened and confused mess that is his son. Just thinking about him makes me jittery. I do not hate him though; I feel no ill will towards the drell. There was so much anger and bitterness…it astounded me how one being could carry that much hatred…but amidst it all I sensed a great pain…and I feel for him, I really do. All he wants is to be understood, but he doesn't know how to explain…and how can I be mad at someone for that?

"Evlin, Kolyat Krios is outside…he says he has come to apologize." I look at the fish. So his name is Kolyat? It is a nice name…

"You can open your door EDI." I smile at the silver sphere, EDI is so lovely.

He shuffles inside, giving me a weird look, "Why are you sitting on the floor?" I smile up at the fish…they are such beautiful, simplistic beings.

"To get a better view of the fish…come and sit with me." I give him a friendly smile, patting the floor next to me. He shrugs and sits down, looking at the fish.

"This reminds me somewhat of the Encompassing back on Kahje…" He says as we watch the fish float by. He turns to me, but I continue to stare at the fish, should things turn sour I can use their calm as a focus to control my instincts.

"I'm sorry for all the nasty things I said…and I lied, I don't wish Shepard dead, I just don't like her." I nod,

"I understand your anger Kolyat…but you take it out on everyone and you need to fix that." He nods, staring back at the fish tank. I find it funny how easy it is to talk when staring at fish.

"Would it make you feel better about what happened if I explain my reaction?" He nods,

"I was a tad freaked out…" I smile, remembering my joy at the fear in his eyes. A shudder ripples through me and his hand falls on my shoulder, "Are you okay?" I nod…surprised that his touch doesn't bother me.

"The batarians used to put me in an arena and make me fight other beings…human or animal. Though mainly the schedule was animals for practice and humans for the main event" His eyes widen, and I like seeing the concern in them. "Well, to train me for these fights they would call me names, spit at me, hit me, threaten me…anything to get me angry or scared into self defense…and after living like that for so long…it is hard to control my fight or flight instincts." He nods in understanding. "I do not tell you these things to make you feel bad though, just to explain why my reaction to your words was so strong…it is hard for me to deal with anger or fear."

"Again…I'm sorry." This time I put my hand on his shoulder,

"Whatever the reason for your inner struggles Kolyat, you are a kind being…I hope you eventually get to show this side of you to everyone else…and I am honored that you showed this to me." He smiles at me and it is then I know things will work out… It is a nice feeling.

"I better go…I need to apologize to my father." I nod,

"Thank you Kolyat, I hope we speak again soon." He stops before opening the door,

"I'd like that."

. . .

"So, who exactly are we waiting for Siha?" Shepard smiled as she stared at the galaxy map. They were docked on Earth, at the massive spaceport in NYC…Shepard had finally gotten in touch with Evlin's guardians.

"An old friend Thane…"

Shepard remembered Mary, remembered her bubbly personality and soothing aura. Mary's memory was probably the reason she found Kelly Chambers so irritating…Mary made Kelly look like an idiot in psychology. She found herself telling Thane about her old war buddies.

"Mary was an alliance psychologist…mainly working with soldiers suffering from post traumatic stress disorder. She eventually married Greg…who was a soldier that had recently retired from the Alliance when I gave them Evlin." They had been so eager to take Evlin too…Mary was barren and had always wanted a child. "I thought it they were perfect for the girl…Mary had the skill and know how to help Evie heal, and Greg had the muscle and technique to subdue her painlessly when she got out of hand." Shepard frowned, "I really have no idea how she ended up running away…"

"Hey commander, a woman named Mary Hensley is requesting permission to board…shall I let her in?" Shepard nodded,

"Send her back to the debriefing room Joker." She pulled Thane back to the room, "I want to keep this kind of private."

Mary Hensley had changed a lot since Shepard's death. Her once flowing blonde hair was now cut into a short bob around chin length, her eyes and mouth held more laugh wrinkles than Shepard remembered. Obviously life had been treating her well, and it warmed Shepard's heart.

"Brina!" The woman yelled, running towards her, Shepard almost fell back from the force of the hug, but returned it with the same amount of enthusiasm.

"Mary, it's been far too long…" She pulled away to see Mary's eyes were shining with unshed tears. "I'm so happy the rumors of your resurrection were true!" Shepard nodded. She looked over Mary's shoulder to see Thane smiling at her.

"Mary this is Thane Krios…my…well, boyfriend I guess…Thane what exactly _am _I supposed to call you?" Mary turned towards the drell, eyebrows raised and a smile slowly spreading on her face. Thane bowed to her before responding.

"I do not think our bond can be given a name Siha…but I leave our title completely up to you." Mary shook his hand, before turning back to Shepard,

"I knew there wasn't a human man alive who could keep up with you…" Brina laughed, smiling at Thane.

"So I assume since you are a very busy woman, that this isn't just a social visit…" This was why Brina loved Mary…the woman got straight to the point.

"I found Evlin on Omega…" The other woman's face paled several shades, "Was she alright?"

"Evlin is fine, she is currently in my cabin…how did she get there though?" Mary's face fell and her eyes filled with guilt.

"She escaped shortly after we got news of your death…Greg tried to tell her and she refused to be rational about it…She was gone the next day." Mary fidgeted with the hem of her shirt, "We tried to find her Brina, we really did…we searched for a year and a half…but nothing came up and you were dead…I didn't know what to do." Brina hugged the distraught woman,

"It's alright Mary… just be sure to watch her more closely this time…" Mary stepped back at that,

"This time?"

"This is a battleship Mary…and you agreed to take care of Evlin…I'm going up against the Reapers…she'll get killed." Mary shook her head,

"I'm afraid I can't take her Brina."

"What? Why not Mary? I can't take care of her here! She isn't safe!" Brina felt her blood run cold…having Evlin on the ship temporarily was one thing…her living on the Normandy was another.

"We can't control her Brina, she won't listen to us!" Mary began to pace, "The patient cannot fully recover unless she _wants_ to recover….I can't make any progress with her unless she _listens_ to me." Mary's eyes shone as if she were going to cry, "Damn it I tried Brina…I really did, but it was always one step forward, two steps back with her… there was almost zero progress and I slowly found I couldn't help her. Evlin is probably the only patient I haven't been able to help."

Shepard's eyes hardened, "She was not a patient, she was a little girl!"

"Yes Brina! A little girl with enough biotic powers to make our house explode around us with almost zero control over her abilities!" Mary was wringing her hands as she paced, "Do you know the fear Greg and I lived with when she was under our roof? We shouldered that burden for you…and I am not saying I regret doing that for you…but I have carried it enough and there are more things at play than you know…there is another reason I can't take Evlin…" Mary walked towards Shepard…placing the commander's hand on her belly, "I'm pregnant Brina…"

Shepard's eyes widened, "Mary?" Mary and Greg had tried for almost ten years…and finally the doctors informed them that there was no way…it had almost destroyed them.

"Yes Brina…I don't know how it's possible…the doctor was so sure…but I am." Her voice shook with emotion and Shepard hugged the woman.

"I'm happy for you…no other woman deserves a baby more…" Mary hugged her back.

"Well, besides you Brina…" Brina's eyes instantly went to Thane's. There was nothing she wanted more, save the destruction of the reapers, than to have Thane's baby…but they were two different species and that was just impossible for the moment…genius salarian scientists' aside.

"Alright Mary…I shouldn't have assumed…" Mary pulled away,

"It's alright Brina…and I normally would have at least tried to take her for a while…but I just can't." Shepard nodded.

"Well, we have to go…I can't stay docked for too long without putting you in danger…and I'd lay low for awhile Mary…you and Greg both…coming into contact with me is no longer safe." Mary nodded,

"We'll go stay with Greg's folks for awhile…been meaning to visit them anyway…they live in Maine." Shepard nodded, smiling,

"Sounds nice…enjoy yourself." Mary turned to leave.

"Oh and Mary?" The blonde woman stopped at the door, looking back over her shoulder, "Congratulations…and take care…" Mary's smile was dazzling,

"You too Shep, I wish you and Thane luck." She turned to the drell, winking at him, "You watch her…she gets into far too much trouble for her own good." Thane bowed his head,

"I will watch over her." And then Mary was gone…

As Shepard and Thane exited the debriefing room they ran into Evlin and Kolyat. Evlin was in tears, "Evie what's the matter?" Shepard moved to hug the girl, but Evlin cringed away,

"You were going to get rid of me…" Her voice was thick, "I saw her…" Shepard took a step towards her…

"Evie…"

"You always leave me!" Evlin shrieked; stumbling back into the elevator, the doors sliding closed before Shepard could get to them. Shepard jammed her fist into the button to summon it back…but it was futile. She'd have to wait…

Kolyat had watched the girl go…knowing exactly what she was feeling. It made him feel even more like an ass for being so mean to her.

. . .

I fall out of the elevator, practically crawling into Ma's room…it was the only place I could think of to go…the mess hall wasn't safe. I feel my veins fill with ice, and my hands flash blue…I close my eyes…trying to stifle the primal urges screaming at me to act. I am holding together but barely…she never stays with me for very long…I know this is for my own safety…and I mentally kick myself for thinking otherwise.

Leaning against the fish tank I feel myself fall into memories I thought dead…but they always return to life when things go wrong…

**Torfan, slaver base**

"_Boss…it's awake…" My eyes open to the harsh vocals of the batarians. Their throats sound filled with phlegm and I've come to loathe the voices…every single one. I am currently chained to the wall, and I am grateful for it… When I am on the wall, it is only my arms suspended from chains. I am allowed to slump on the floor, my legs being given a break. It is only when I have displeased them…or they're looking for a bit of fun…that I am hung from the ceiling like some sort of sick and twisted chandelier. _

_I feel wetness around my ankles and on my face. The cuts on my legs have split open and are now bleeding, yellow puss swirls amongst the blood…the cuts are now infected. I hiss slightly as I pull my feet out from under me. The wetness on my face is from my eyes. No I am not crying…I've been too far damaged to bother crying about it…I weep only blood now. My eyes feel gritty as I blink the blood away. _

"_Such a weak creature…pathetic" The words are spat in my face, they try to break my spirit further with petty insults…but my spirit is already broken. Shattered, it now lies in pieces at my feet…little bits of it crunch under the batarians heavy boots. They say I am to fight another slave…another girl… a small part of me mourns this, just as my eyes dilate and my breath quickens._

"_Oh it's getting excited…" The batarian grabs my chin fiercely, jabbing his forehead against mine. "Good girl." He growls, obvious pride in his voice. Though I know I have pleased him I am not happy, I want to kill him. I am no more than a pet…an animal, my humanity bled from me._

_I am put on a leash, the shackles around my wrists replaced by one thick one around my neck. A squad walks by as I am led down the corridor. They point and howl, knowing what I am heading towards. They wonder if I shall survive this time. They disgust me and I attack, letting forth a feral snarl as I lunge towards them. My nails claw at their jumpsuits…and I am instantly pushed back, a swift kick delivered to my ribcage. _

_As I am thrust through the small door I find I am in the arena, crudely made. The slave across from me is a newer female…she still has her spirit. I pull myself up, staring her down…I see the fear In her eyes and my pulse quickens…she is weak. My body glows blue as I summon the dark energy…_

_A whistle is blown and we begin to circle each other. I examine her movements for potential weaknesses. She makes the first move, lashing out to lightly smack me. She misses and I take advantage of her lack of balance. I swing out a bloodied and infected leg towards her feet and knock her down. She yelps and I hiss. _

"_What are you?" She whispers, and I find I do not have an answer. What am I? The answer comes to me as I look at the batarians in the audience and I slowly stalk towards her, I am an animal._

_She is pressed against the stone wall, cowering. Her blood is in puddles around me…I have hurt her many times. Her cries of pain are like ambrosia to my ears, and I revel in the adrenaline. My keeper screams at me over the wall, ordering me to finish it. I close my eyes, breathing deep. When I open them, I no longer see the girl…I see my prey. I dive for her, dragging her slumped form towards me. She screams as I wrap my legs around her, holding her in place. She gives one final yelp as I snap her neck and then she falls silent._

_The roars of the batarians are a low rumble in the background as I stare at her beautiful face. Not much older than I she didn't last very long… but she did her best I would give her that. She let her conscience get the better of her though, she didn't want to hurt me…she allowed mercy to cripple her. As I stare at the bloodied walls, the hot liquid drips down around me…mercy has no place __here, it will only get you killed. _

_I am chained and dragged back to my cage, where I can sleep off the thrill of battle. As I watch the floor tiles slide by I feel myself falling away…the animal in me is replacing everything…I am gone. Gone gone gone… No more of the little girl, she is just gone._

**Normandy SR2**

"Evlin?" I open my eyes to stare at a face. It is a teal face, a kind face, "Evlin… are you alright?" Kolyat has come to find me…to check up on me, I smile at him. I am back…

. . .

Shepard yawned as she entered her cabin, it had been a long day and all the commander wanted to do was flop on her bed and sleep until her name was Rip Van Shepard. She smiled as she passed Evlin's sleeping form…the girl had forgiven her, and the thanks all went to Kolyat, who comforted her, and actually made her understand. Shepard planned on finding a way to thank him… As she pulled her jacket off her shoulders she saw her private terminal had a new message.

"I wonder which damsel in distress is thanking me now?" She murmured as she sat to read it. As her eyes skimmed the words her heart froze, she hadn't been expecting this…

_**Shepard,**_

_**Listen to me you heartless bitch…you took everything from me and my family…and I plan to make you pay. Evlin is the only remnant left of Torfan…and I aim to get her back…So enjoy yourself for now Shepard…we're coming for you and you're little psycho.**_

_**[Sender Unknown]**_


	5. Shopping, Sleeping, and Sulking

**AN: I figured with all the drama in the other chapters, I'd put in a happy, uncomplicated one, please enjoy and review :)**

Shepard was not the motherly type, she had never even really thought about children until she had met Thane, but she still didn't know the first thing about dealing with kids... This being the case it took her yeoman's irritatingly cheerful voice to inform her that Evlin could not continue wandering the Normandy in a long sleeve cotton shirt and a hospital gown three sizes too large.

"Commander, I know you are busy…but we _have_ to get the girl some clothes!" Shepard agreed, though Evlin hadn't said anything, but she had also never really left the Loft since her breakdown.

"Alright Kelly, let's set a course for the Citadel… we're pretty close right Joker?"

+_Affirmative Commander, ETA about three hours+ _Well that was settled then, Shepard groaned at the thought of shopping for clothes on the citadel…she preferred shopping for more practical things…like weapon mods.

"If you would like Commander, I could go get Evlin some clothes…" Kelly sounded _way_ too happy for the job.

"No Kelly, thank you for offering but I can do this…" Clothing for Evlin was a sensitive matter…one that had to be handled delicately and privately.

. . .

"Evie?" Shepard called out softly as she entered her cabin.

"Evlin is currently in the Starboard Observatory with Samara, Shepard." Shepard raised an eyebrow as she examined the figure in her bed. She was about to raise hell when she noticed a green scaled arm poking out from under the sheets. Thane was sleeping… he was kind of adorable in his sleep.

"Thanks EDI" Shepard whispered as she stepped towards the bed, leaning down to kiss his forehead, right in the center of the dark green, pentagonal mark in his scales.

"mmmmmm…Siha…" He mumbled in his sleep. Shepard grinned as she pulled away, wanting to just fall into bed with him, but knowing she had other stuff to do.

"Work, work, work…" she grumbled quietly as she left the Loft.

Shepard stepped into the corridor, pressing the button that would summon the elevator. As she entered the crew deck she waved to Gardner before heading into the starboard observatory. What she came across made her pause, not wanting to interrupt…

Evlin was seated, across from the justicar…mimicking the Asari's pose…her eyes glowing white and an orb of dark matter hovering in front of her chest, just like Samara when she was meditating.

"Deep even breaths…let whatever thoughts you have simply float through your mind, don't try to focus on any one in particular…that's it…" Samara was smiling as a very peaceful expression came over Evlin's face. Shepard placed a hand on Samara's shoulder, letting her know she was there.

"Evlin…we have a visitor" Evlin's eyes slid closed and she shuddered slightly, before the orb disappeared. When she opened them, Shepard was faced with her shining golden irises again.

"Ma…" Evlin breathed, smiling.

"Hello Evie…how are you this morning?" Shepard crouched down next to the girl, giving her a small hug, before taking a seat on the nearest couch.

Evlin gave a small smile, "Justicar Samara is teaching me how to control my biotics…she is showing me meditations that should help me keep a calm mind." Shepard smiled at Samara, who merely nodded her head in response,

"The child is very gifted Shepard…it has been an honor to sit with her." Evlin's smile widened and Shepard was pleased to see a bond forming between them.

"I didn't mean to interrupt you two, I just wanted to let Evie know that we will be docking at the Citadel in about three hours and I'm going to be off the ship for awhile." Evlin's eyes widened, "Shhh Evie, don't worry, I'm just going to get you some clothes…you can't be comfortable in that…" Evlin was wearing a high collared, long sleeved white shirt and a hospital gown that was so huge; it covered her feet when she stood. The girl was practically swimming in fabric.

"I would like new clothes…yes…" Shepard smiled as she moved to leave,

"Alright then, I will only be gone for a few hours…I need to chat with Anderson as well." Samara stood, following the commander to the door.

"Shepard…I will watch the child in your absence, you needn't worry." Shepard nodded, glancing at Evlin who was once again conjuring the little orb of dark matter.

"Keep her calm Samara, I trust you."

"And I you, Shepard."

. . .

**Citadel, Zakera Wards**

"Why exactly am I here Shepard?" Garrus Vakarian asked, he was used to following his leader into battle…not clothing boutiques.

"I hate shopping for anything other than guns and I figured you were itching to get off the ship…" She turned towards her favorite turian, "Besides, I miss you…life just hasn't been the same since our last separation…" He could actually _feel_ the sarcasm in her voice.

"Oh believe me Commander, I have been equally miserable…my aching heart can now only be healed by you purchasing…what the hell is this?" Shepard glanced over her shoulder,

"Why that's a-" She saw what he was holding and burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" The commander was doubled over one of the clothing racks, shaking as she laughed.

"That's a _bra_ Garrus, put it down! Gah, people are gonna think you're a creeper!" The turian was holding it near his face, examining it closely. Garrus dropped the…bra…back into the bin, moving further down the aisle as his commander continued to chuckle.

"Alright, _that_ is your reason for being here Garrus…my god that was funny…" She moved through the clothing racks, Garrus was amazed to find she barely even looked at what she was sifting through…

"Not finding what you want?" She shook her head,

"I need loose clothing that covers everything but head, hands and feet." Shepard was actually amazed that she couldn't find a single shirt that didn't either have an incredibly low collar or wasn't skin tight. What the hell was wrong with people these days? Didn't they wear clothes that _fit_?

"Can I ask why?" Shepard growled as she went through yet another rack of incredibly tight, and very revealing clothing,

"Evlin isn't just scarred psychologically Garrus, she's covered in welts worse than any battle scars I've ever seen." Garrus's mandibles widened, before project Lazarus Shepard had had some bad ones…

"The horrible ones are around her neck, wrists, and ankles…but they cover almost all of her skin…occasionally they get sore…I think they used some kind of poison at one point on her…I plan on having Mordin take a look. Anyway, they become painful on occasion so I need to get her loose clothing, so the fabric won't irritate the skin…and I need clothes that cover all the scars cause she thinks they scare people…and she says she is scary enough." Garrus, even though he had witnessed the aftermath of Evlin's break down was having a hard time seeing the girl as scary…or dangerous. She was just so _tiny_…even for a human.

"Well it looks like this store is a bust…damn it." Shepard stormed out of the boutique, "On to the next I guess…" Garrus suppressed a groan…_Spirits…_

**Normandy SR2, the Loft**

I enter Ma's room…feeling exhausted after Samara's exercises. She is an excellent teacher…and I feel I have a better hold on my emotions somewhat, which I am grateful for. Ms. Hensley never helped me like that…though I understand now that she thought the path to helping me was through talking. I nod a hello towards the fish, pressing the button Ma showed me was to feed them. As I move towards the bed I find it is already occupied…by Ma's assassin.

Mr. Krios looks very tired, even in sleep…I wonder if it is because he and Ma have been sleeping apart. He is very attached to Ma…it is very obvious. I smile at his sleeping form before moving towards the couch. The couch is not as soft as the bed…but compared to my old cage it is as comfortable as a cloud.

. . .

I awake to murmurs and soft laughter; they are lovely sounds to wake up to. I find I am in Ma's bed…not the couch. I must have been moved in my sleep. I open my eyes, and spot Mr. Krios, reading on the couch, Ma is in his lap.

I try to make as little noise as possible as I turn over, to get a better look at them. Ma is curled up in his arms, her head under his chin. She looks genuinely happy, and this makes my heart sing for Ma deserves all the happiness in the world. I smile at them, and then before I can control it a huge yawn escapes. Both turn to look at me.

"Ah she wakes…" Mr. Krios smiles at me. "I hope you do not mind Evlin, I took the liberty of moving you when I woke to find you on the couch…you looked most uncomfortable."

"Thank you Mr. Krios…" I look to Ma, who has moved from his lap and is rummaging through several bags.

"Evie, come see what I found you…" There is victory in her voice, so I know she has found nice things. I stand from the bed and pad over to her, my feet bare against the cold floor.

"What did you find Ma?" She pulls out a slip of silky fabric, the color of crushed rubies. The shirt is perfect, the intricate designs in the fabric are so beautiful…I have trouble looking away.

"They have matching pants… both should fit loosely. I bought several sets in as many colors and designs as I could find…the shop keeper called them Geisha Pajamas, but they should be fine for wandering the Normandy." I can't stop touching the fabric…it is so soft…

Ma smiles at me, "Well…go try them on!" I grab the pants and shirt and slip into the bathroom. They fit perfectly, and I can't see my scars…except for the ones on my wrists… when I stretch out my arms, but that can't be helped. The shirt reminds me of a dress I saw a lady wear on Omega…a kimono I think is what it was called. I exit the bathroom.

"Oh Evie…" Ma breathes, grinning at me, "You look amazing!" She grabs my hand and twirls me, making me giggle. Mr. Krios smiles at me,

"That is a beautiful color on you."

I stop twirling with Ma and look up at the stars through Ma's ceiling window… I feel happy and completely safe for the first time in my life…I never thought I would.

"I got you something else too…" Ma says, before handing me a black velvet box. I hold it in my hands, not sure why she is giving me a box. She laughs, and I smile at the sound…she should laugh more often.

"You need to open it Evie…" I nod in understanding, before slowly lifting the lid. "Ma…" I sigh in wonder, "What are these?"

Inside is a strand of stone beads…mainly mahogany colored…but with swirls of blue and grey, dangling from them is a tiny intricate cross. The beads feel smooth against my skin and when I run them through my fingers I find it to be very soothing. Ma takes them from me, tracing the cross before running each individual bead through her fingers.

"I used to have something like this when I lived on earth Evie…these are prayer beads…they normally come with a set of prayers, and you say one line while you hold the cross, one line for every time you come across the four large beads, and then another for every little bead. It's a form of meditation, and it helped me greatly when I was scared or angry." I smile as she hands them back to me.

"What prayer did you use Ma?"

She smiles, "Oh I never prayed with them…I'd just run them through my fingers…fidgeting with them always calmed me…and I figured they would work for you too." She wraps them around my wrist, and I love the feel of the beads against my skin. I hug her waist,

"Thank you Ma…I will cherish them."

**Normandy SR2, Mess Hall**

Kolyat Krios frowned as he stared at his food. Oriana had sent him yet another message…the girl was relentless and he was getting tired of her little games. The drell was now completely and utterly confused…and he hated feeling that way.

She would message him, tell him she missed him and wanted to know how he was doing…and whenever he would respond she would claim he needed to stop talking to her and let her go… he was beginning to think Humans were complete hypocrites.

He had decided to not respond anymore…but she was beginning to get impatient… messaging him all the time. He didn't know what to do…

"Hello Kolyat" Kolyat nodded in Evlin's direction…eyes never leaving his food. The girl padded over to the fridge, but opted to get a glass of water instead; he listened to the water filling her glass. "I sense something is bothering you…" He scoffed, playing with the food on his plate,

"How do you figure that?" He asked bitterly.

"You are so agitated you are making my skin itch" He laughed softly, before finally looking at her. _Whoah…_

He had thought her to be pretty…for a human…when he had first seen her. But she was wearing actual clothing now…and Kolyat found it almost impossible to keep his mouth from falling open. The girl was a knock out in red…

"Ma bought me new clothes from the Citadel…" She looked to her feet, embarrassed, before gingerly sipping from her glass. The dark red made her tan skin seem to glow, her dark hair had been loosely braided, the free strands curling around her face. Her golden eyes flashed brightly under the harsh lighting of the mess. It was almost like he was seeing her for the first time…

"They look nice." He tried to make his voice sound as disinterested as possible. Evlin smiled in thanks, before moving back towards the elevator.

"Good bye Kolyat." She said as she entered the lift, he nodded after her…

He had always thought Oriana was beyond beautiful…the best looking human he had ever seen…but Evlin in red…_damn_..._wait_, _what?_

**AN2: The beads Shepard has given Evie actually exist in real life, they are my Anglican prayer beads...my favorite fidget toy. My mom got them for me, she uses her own in meditation alot, but I'm not a very religious person like she is, I use them to control my ADD in class...they are made of pietersite, and are very beautiful in my opinion :)**


	6. Evacuate the Dancefloor!

**AN: All blame for this chapter goes to Cascada's 'Evacuate the Dancefloor' That's what Brina's dancing to if yall are curious :)**

"Kasumi…I look like an absolute hooker…" Shepard stated as she examined her reflection, "thank you!" She cried as she flung her arms around the hooded woman. Kasumi laughed.

"I'm glad you like it Shep, was worried the dress wouldn't fit…"

"Well, technically it doesn't…" Indeed the fabric was skin tight, but it shimmered in the light, the material changing from an off white to lavender as she moved. She had never considered the dress in the lineup Kasumi had presented her with…but when the thief pushed for it, she was glad she had tried it on. It made her red hair pop.

"Thane is going to love it…"

Shepard felt anticipation tighten in her stomach, "God I hope so…he was quite fond of the black one from Bekenstein…I think he's hoping I'm wearing that one…" Kasumi shook her head.

"Nah this one is much better…it also leaves almost _nothing_ to the imagination, I don't think he will be disappointed." Shepard smiled. The strapless dress barely covered her chest and came down just below her butt…she was definitely going to have difficulties sitting down and standing up.

They were still docked at the Citadel, minor repairs being completed after the Relay…Shepard had left Omega early, not comfortable staying for as long as a full repair would take…Aria expected something from you if you stayed longer than three days. So they had high tailed it back to council space and licked the rest of their wounds on the Citadel. Tonight was their last night, and Shepard had announced shore leave for everyone. Most of the squad, including Thane, was going to the Dark Star to celebrate being space worthy again.

"Now for the finishing touches…" Kasumi produced a pair of shining, silver platform stiletto heeled shoes.

"Dear God I'm gonna die…" Shepard slid her feet into the stilts and wobbled a few steps forward.

"You'll be fine Shep; I know you've worn heels before…" Shepard shook her head.

"Not like these!" Kasumi helped her walk around the room until she was steady on her own.

"Now, go get Thane and if he doesn't immediately go into Solipsism to relive seeing you in that dress I'm taking it back." Shepard laughed.

"Kasumi why would he immediately relive that memory? I'd still be standing in front of him…" Kasumi groaned pushing the super soldier out the door.

"Just shut up and go Shep."

Shepard gingerly stepped out of the elevator into the CIC, where most of the group was waiting. She moved to sashay over towards Thane, but only succeeded in tripping, grasping his arm in an attempt to steady herself, _yes good job Shep…very sexy_. Thane spun in her direction on reflex, Shepard inwardly cursing herself, she knew better than to sneak up on an assassin… Thane moved to disable her, but then recognized who he was about to injure. "Siha!" He helped pick her up.

"Yea…sorry about startling you…it's these damn heels…" She straightened, pulling the skirt down. She wasn't entirely sure…but she thought she heard a very quiet "Arashu be praised…" escape Thane's lips, his face certainly looked in awe of her appearance, _thanks Kasumi! I owe you one…_ "So…we goin to head out?" Thane pulled her close, whispering.

"Seeing you in that dress now…I'm not sure I want to leave…" His lips to her ear caused her to shiver.

"As pleasant as that sounds Thane…I want to go dancing!" She pulled him after her towards the cockpit, pressing close as the airlock became crowded, "C'mon, it'll be fun…I'll even let you cop a feel on the dance floor."

Thane's normally calm, cool, and collected persona seemed to falter slightly, "Siha…while the arts to kill have been honed in me from childhood…I'm afraid the Hanar never really focused on dancing…" Shepard's amused expression turned to one of shock.

"Thane…are you saying you can't dance?" The drell nodded.

"I am afraid so…" Shepard shook her head in disbelief.

"B-but…you're perfect at…like…_everything_!"

Thane bowed his head, as if shamed, "I am sorry for failing you Siha…"

"Whoah, hey now…don't get mopey damn it!" She cupped his face, pulling his lips down towards hers for a quick kiss. "I can teach you…it'll be fun!" She dragged her nails down his back, "I'll make it fun." She purred, causing him to smile.

"Come on Shepard!" Garrus roared at the head of the group, "They'll be closed by the time we get there!"

"As I recall, jackass, the club is open all night!" She yelled back, wrapping Thane's arm around her more tightly. The group massed at the rapid transport, everyone was smiling…_Kolyat is watching Evlin, so no need to worry about her and I've finally found something I'm better at than Thane…man…tonight is going to be absolutely perfect!_

Perfection didn't last past the front doors.

"No." Thane's voice had an air of finality to it…

"C'monnnnnn," Shepard whined, trying to make the sound as annoying as possible, "Puh'lease?" Thane shook his head, "You're just scared you'll be really bad aren't you?" She pouted, eyes narrowing as he moved to sit at a table.

"Give it up Shepard; he has a reputation to uphold!" Garrus pulled her towards the dance floor, "At least _you_ can dance Vakarian…I hope…" Garrus moved closer to her as the music began, "Is that a challenge Commander?" Shepard laughed, "You bet your fine, turian ass it is!"

Garrus actually turned out to be a great dancer, and Shepard soon forgot her disappointment over her lack of Thane…but then Garrus made the big mistake of abandoning her for Tali…and Shepard soon found herself dancing with two asari…who were a tad too physical in her opinion. She tried to ignore it though as she gave in to the music, letting her body flow with the beat. To her great pleasure trays of shots were passed around periodically and Shepard had soon helped herself to probably more than she should have…but it was a party and she didn't care. She soon lost herself in dancing, momentarily forgetting where she was. Twisting her body she saw Thane watching, a pleasant smile on his face. He was clearly enjoying her so she made sure to exaggerate her movements, swiveling her hips quite suggestively as she danced. He raised one eye ridge at this, and she blew him a kiss.

The Asari twins took her new moves as an acceptance of their advances and Shepard soon found herself sliding out from between them, running towards Thane for rescue. She ended up finding out it was he that needed rescuing. She wobbled, unsteady as she moved, everything was a blurry haze…

He was surrounded by women, of all species…mainly human and asari. _Oh this will not do at all…_ Shepard thought as she neared the table, Thane giving her a 'help me' kind of look. The man was honestly far too handsome for his own good. She straightened up, trying her best to sound sober…though she was far from it…

"Am I interrupting something here Thane?" She asked coyly as she posed in front of him. He smiled at her, and moved to respond when an Asari spoke up for him.

"Yes you are…move along now human, he's been claimed." Shepard's eyebrows rose.

"Really now? Hmmm, and have you indeed been claimed Thane?" Again he moved to answer, but was interrupted once more.

"Honestly can't you take a hint? You aren't even that pretty, what makes you think you have a chance in hell with that ugly mark on your face?" Shepard turned to the brunette human addressing her, chuckling softly.

"Honey, you seem to be out of the loop news wise so I'll forgive you for not recognizing me…" Faster than the other woman could contemplate Shepard grabbed her shirt collar, dragging the woman over the table towards her. The woman yelped, her ankle banging against the edge of the table, remembering her recent scam in the shops she made sure she got the inflections and pitch right, "I'm Commander Shepard…and you need to get the fuck away from my man!" She threw the woman off the table, watching her stagger against the bar stools with satisfaction. Turning back she watched the other women's eyes fill with fear, "Now I've killed a rogue spectre, defeated his army of Geth, and survived the Omega 4 Relay, blowing the Collector base all to hell…" She cocked her head to the side, her normally brown eyes now glowing a deep red, "Anyone else think they can take me?" The table was cleared faster than she could blink.

Eyes dimming back to brown she smoothed her skirt and slid into the booth next to Thane, hugging him to her possessively, losing all appearances of sobriety. "Soooo…how'syernighgoin?" She slurred, his expression was one of awe mixed with desire.

"It's much better now…" She laughed as his hands slid down her back, practically pulling her into his lap. She closed her eyes and smiled as he kissed along her facial scar, "She was wrong, your beauty is beyond words Siha…" He murmured against her skin. Shepard hummed appreciatively as he nuzzled her neck.

She began to examine the dance floor with longing, "Soooo, Thane?" Her voice had changed pitch repeatedly…sounding warped even to her own drunken ears, causing him to pull back from kissing her shoulder.

"Yes Siha?"

"I'm not done dancing yet…but Garrus has abandoned me and I'm pretty sure those Asari twins wanna mind rape me…" She whined, pressing her forehead against his, "Will you _please_ come out there and protect me? I don wanna 'embrace eternity'" His hands slid up over her shoulder blades and ran down her arms.

"I'm sorry my Siha…the answer is no, why don't you stay with me?…" She slid off of his lap, shoving him when he moved to grab her.

"Well fine then, don't dance with me…jerk face…" She knew she was being difficult, but damn it he was being such a wet blanket and she was getting sick of it.

As she stepped onto the dance floor an incredibly wicked idea struck her… _Oh I'm evil…_she thought as she eyed Jacob dancing with Kasumi. Looking back at Thane, who was now frowning at her, she knew her plan would work…though Taylor might get injured…

She danced towards the lieutenant, nodding at Kasumi, who allowed her to cut in. Dancing up to Taylor she saw his eyes widen a little as she moved with him, making sure they were in eye sight of Thane, "Jake I need a favor…" She raised her voice over the music.

"what do you need commander?" She smiled maliciously.

"Just dance with me…that's all." She turned, swiveling her hips and almost let out a startled gasp as his hands slid around her waist, now that was a bonus she hadn't been expecting, this was definitely going to piss Thane off. Sure enough when she turned and saw Thane's face, she knew she had won. If she could have put a caption under his expression, it would have read 'Aw, hell no!' _Poor Mr. Taylor…I do feel sorry for him…_ but then she remembered some of the scuttlebutt he had started about her, and her regret vanished. Turning back towards Jacob she made sure to dance far closer than was necessary. Suddenly and without warning Jacob moved to grab her ass…Shepard wasn't quite sure what happened next…all she knew was that Taylor just seemed to disappear… and she was in the arms of her assassin.

"There…I'm dancing, happy now?" Thane growled in her ear.

"Extremely!" She smiled as she snuggled further into him. They weren't really dancing, more like swaying back and forth, but the music had mellowed out so it actually looked appropriate.

"I'm sorry Thane…that was unfair of me…" She turned in his embrace, wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her head on his shoulder, "fergivme?" She felt his arms tighten around her and smiled.

"Perhaps, it was probably a result of your inebriation…though I think you'll have to face the consequences of your actions later tonight." Shepard laughed.

"I'm pretty sure this is the first time I've ever been excited about being punished…" Thane squeezed her waist as they swayed to the music.

"Thane?" Shepard mumbled; he kissed her forehead.

"Yes my Siha?"

"I'm drunk…" He laughed softly.

"Yes I know…"

. . .

"Shepard, damn it, come on!" Miranda Lawson dragged the commander's body away from the toilet. "Why the hell did you drink so much?" Shepard wretched, though there was nothing more in her stomach.

"Seemed like a fun idea at the time…" She groaned, resting her head against the side of the stall, the cool wall soothing her raging head ache.

"I warned you about mixing alcohol with Lazarus…" Shepard slammed her fist against the stall door.

"Getting drunk is easy…becoming sober again is agonizing…yes I know Miri." She tried to stand, but forgot about the fact she was in heels, sliding back to the floor she examined the odd angle her foot was in and was amazed she hadn't completely snapped her ankle.

"Fuckin hell!" She roared before unhooking the shoes and throwing them across the bathroom.

"Well that was slightly uncalled for…" Miranda griped as she bent to pick up the offending foot wear.

"Do me a favor Miri, and shut the fuck up…please?" The Cerberus Officer straightened before exiting the rest room.

The silence was deafening as Shepard shoved the palms of her hands into her eyes. "I'm _such _an idiot…" She moaned.

"No you are not Siha…"

Shepard gasped, startled to find the assassin crouched in front of her in the stall, she hadn't even heard the door open… "Jeez do you _have_ to do that?" He cupped her face, rubbing his thumbs across her cheeks.

"Do what?" Shepard stuck out her tongue and blew a raspberry in his face, causing him to rear back, startled.

"While I appreciate you coming to comfort me Thane…could you please fuck off?" Thane laughed, before sitting on the floor, pulling her into his lap. He tucked her head under his chin, tickling her back soothingly.

"Not a chance Siha…"

"Jerk face…" She managed, before sitting up violently, heaving into the toilet again.

. . .

"So Shepard is completely drunk off her ass?" Kolyat's voice was almost impossible to hear through the comm. with the music blaring. Thane made his way towards the exit.

"I wouldn't have put it so bluntly but yes…" His son snorted in response.

"Damn, you sure picked a winner didn't you father?" Thane moved to respond when he heard Kolyat yelp, followed by the rustling sound of fabric against the comm., to Thane's great surprise he found he was no longer speaking to Kolyat.

"Ma is sick?" Evlin's clear voice rang out from the comm. slightly panicky.

"Siha is fine Evlin; we are taking care of her." His response seemed to please the girl for Kolyat was given the comm. unit back.

"Goddess of Oceans…that hurt…" Thane smiled, "I would suggest refraining from insulting Siha in the girl's presence…" He pictured Kolyat's look of irritation at the sound of laughter in his father's voice.

"Yea, yea, yea…so when are you guys coming back?"

"As soon as Siha can stomach moving…I think the bartender may have given her Ryncol…" Another snort from Kolyat.

"Nice…well, things are going well here…it's been pretty uneventful." Thane smiled.

"That is good to hear, I appreciate you allowing me time with Siha."

"Yea…I bet she's loads of fun now huh?" Thane's eye ridges pinched together at the disgust clearly evident in his son's voice.

"Kolyat, she did not do this to herself on purpose…in my opinion Ms. Lawson did not accurately explain how the Cerberus implants affected her alcohol toleration. This is not her fault…"

"Dad, how about you quit making excuses for her? You always defend her…" His son's bitterness stung.

"I defend her because she won't defend herself, and may I add that your own mother was in this position during our courtship, so I suggest you give Siha a break."

There was a loud sigh, "Alright…sorry…"a pause, "Wait…Mom got drunk?"

Thane smiled, resisting the urge to fall back into memory, "Yes, we had gone out for dinner and the bartender at the club called her a 'lightweight' and she did not take kindly to that…sadly, she proved him right…but it was amusing nonetheless." There was a soft laugh on the other end, and Thane's eyes widened as he realized it was the first time he had heard his son laugh in ten years, he enjoyed the sound immensely.

"Well damn…it's hard to picture her in that situation…"

"To be perfectly honest it was most undignified…" Thane chuckled, "I need to go check on Siha, I fear Garrus is enjoying himself far too much at her expense…" Disconnecting the call he turned back into the lounge. To his dismay he found Garrus Vakarian leaning against the doorframe to the bathroom, an amused expression on his face. He nodded at Thane before turning back to Shepard.

"So…Commander…everything coming out alright?" There was a strangled, gagging sound from one of the stalls.

"Fuck you Garrus!" Shepard's voice was scratchy and frail.

"A tempting offer Shepard…but sadly I'm not that interested in humans…I think I'll pass... I'm not that into drunks either…"

"Bastard…" Shepard growled from her stall. Thane placed a hand on the turian's shoulder.

"I think Siha has had enough Officer Vakarian…"

Garrus straightened, linking arms with Tali'Zorah as she approached, "Spoil sport!" He shot over his shoulder as they walked towards the exits.

"Thane…" It was a whimper, the assassin rushed towards the stall, grabbing his Siha's hands as he helped her up from the floor.

"Siha…" He murmured as she leaned against him, he had a feeling he was all that was holding her up.

"I want to go home…" She sounded as if she were seconds from tears…a thought that terrified the drell. He had only ever seen her cry in the direst of circumstances…

"Are you sure you're ready?" She shook off his hands, gripping the collar of his jacket tightly.

"Fuck it, I want to go home! I'll throw up in a trashcan along the way if I have to!" Her eyes were frantic and he pulled her close, whispering calming words in her ear.

"If that is your wish than we shall leave…I was only voicing my concern…" She nodded, looking absolutely pitiful.

"Goddamn Cerberus….I fuckin hate em…" She muttered among other things as they moved for the front doors. "I used to be able to drink most krogan under the fuckin table…_krogan_, Thane!" He nodded solemnly, not really understanding why she was so worked up over this. H

e opened the door for her, rapidly changing the subject, "Would you like me to carry you Siha?" Shepard snorted.

"Fuck no…I can walk damn it…" _Stubborn to the very end…_ he thought.

"May I remind you that you are barefoot Siha? Are you sure you wish to walk?"

"Damn it Thane I went barefoot all the time in the Reds…I think I'll manage!" She flinched as she realized how mean she was being, "I'm sorry…" She said, leaning into his side, "I've got a migraine from hell, my throat is on fire, my ribs ache, and I'm pretty sure the inside of my stomach is now lined with sand paper…" She nuzzled his neck, "Thank you for dealing with my bitchiness…"

"Siha…" He kissed her forehead, pushing loose strands of her hair behind her ears. They continued on through the alleys of the Zakera Ward, trying to find the rapid transport, but deciding to walk, Shepard pointing out a sky car was not fun to throw up in… Thane glanced around; it had gotten very dark since they had first arrived at the lounge.

"You know…" Shepard whispered fiercely, she had sobered up somewhat from when she had fought his earlier admirers…but was still a far cry from normal.

"What Siha?" Shepard pushed her index finger against her full lips, shushing him.

"Not so loud…" She giggled, "I was sayin…this is the perfect time…for an ambush, dontcha think?" He gave her a puzzled look, instantly becoming more aware of their surroundings, listening for any signs of a threat.

"Why do you say that Siha?" Shepard looked around, before giggling again.

"Apparently, I have a stalker…I got a message a few days ago…from this mean person, he was very rude…called me lots of names… anywho he said he was coming for me and Evlin…something about Torfan…" She zoned out for a second, before frantically gripping his jacket, "I wasn't supposed to tell you that! Oh please, don't let anyone know I told you…oh now I'm gonna get in trouble…" She looked so frightened at the prospect of getting in trouble with herself it was hard for him to control his laughter, remembering the threat he instantly became serious.

"Siha…when did you receive this message?" Shepard tripped slightly, wobbling as she tried to right herself.

"A couple days ago…I think…I donremember…"They were moving far too slowly, and now that he knew she was in danger he felt she had been stubborn long enough. "Hay, watchit!" She yelped as he picked her up bridal style.

"Be calm Siha, I don't want you to hurt yourself, and we need to hurry…" She was surprisingly light in his arms, and it dawned on him that the other times he had carried her she had been wearing full body armor…now in a dress, she was a lot easier to carry.

"Mmmmluvvoo…" She crooned into his neck, kissing along the ribbing of his throat. His eyes slid closed in pleasure momentarily before he came to his senses.

"Siha…as much as I'm enjoying you, now is not the time…"

"Gah, you're _such_ a wet blanket…" She grumbled into his shoulder. Thane wasn't quite sure what a wet blanket and himself had in common…but he decided to figure it out later. He could hear footsteps behind them…they were being followed.

Cursing softly he sped up slightly; Shepard was in no condition to fight… "Thaaaaaneeee!" Shepard said in a sing song voice.

"What Siha?"

"I'm gonna be sick…" She whimpered, Thane cringed… she had picked the _perfect_ time to get sick… Setting her down he turned to where the footsteps had stopped, bracing for a fight. Making sure Shepard was behind him as she ran to a far corner in the alley to wretch. A low chuckle echoed off the alley's walls, mixing with the sounds of Shepard's heaves.

"Sounds like somebody can't hold their liquor…" The voice was garbled, clearly Batarian. "I must admit when I heard my target was _the_ Brina Shepard I was expecting a different welcome…not that I'm ungrateful that it will be this easy…I'm just a tad disappointed…"

Thane clenched his teeth, glancing back at Shepard…who was leaning heavily against one of the brick walls of the alley. "Why are you after the Commander?"

"I'm not after Commander Shepard…I'm after creds…damn you drell sure are slow…" He pulled out a pistol, "Now…where is that lovely, 'Siha' was it?" thane's eyes narrowed as he discreetly pulled the daggers out of his sleeves. Glancing over his shoulder, he swore violently.

"Hey hey hey….no need to get all pissy…" Shepard slurred as she shambled forward. "I'm shur we can work somfin out…" She held up her hands in surrender, as she lurched towards the batarian. His gun was now level with her chest and Thane felt it was now _his_ turn to be sick.

"You're kidding me right?" The batarian let out a harsh throaty laugh. "Damn…this is rediculo-ach!" Shepard, faster than the batarian had anticipated, whirled around him, pulling a stiletto knife to his throat in the process.

"I knew you were following us the instant we left the Dark Star…and I hold my liquor better than you think, asshole…" She growled in his ear, "Now call your boys out from cover…hands where I can see em, or your jugular is going to go flying." Shepard punctuated her point by digging the knife even further into the batarian's neck, smiling sadistically as she felt the blood gush over her hand.

Thane hadn't thought he could love Shepard more than he already did, but seeing her in action at that moment he found he was wrong. "Alright, alright! Fuck…game's over fella's…" Three more batarians stepped out from the Shadows, and Thane cursed himself for being so unobservant, he had been so concerned over Shepard he had allowed himself to get too distracted.

"Sooo," Shepard purred, "Here's how we're gonna play this…you and you're lackeys are going to fuck off…and my assassin and I are going to continue on our way, no need for bloodshed or death on your part." The batarian nodded, seeming to surrender, but as Shepard stepped away he spun, shoving his elbow into her face, knocking her to the ground.

Thane hit the ground as gunfire erupted in the alley, scanning Shepard as she straightened into an attack pose. "So you've chosen to do this the hard way I see…" She growled as she circled the lead batarian thug. Thane felt himself dragged backwards, before flipping over and kicking his attacker in the face. Standing he examined the situation, they were outnumbered, and weaponless…_This is going to be difficult…_

. . .

"Mr. Vakarian…it is good to see you." Garrus smiled won at Evlin; she was seated Indian style on top of one of the tables in the mess.

"Evlin…what are you still doing up, and where is Kolyat?" It was nearly three in the morning Citadel time. The girl shrugged, her chin in her hand.

"Kolyat and I can't sleep…so he says we are going to play cards…I told him Ma has a deck upstairs so he went to go get them…"

Garrus nodded, "Garrus…" Tali murmured beside him.

"Yes Tali?" He asked softly, noting the concern in her voice.

"I just checked my messages…Shep and Thane left the Dark Star almost two hours ago…" She looked towards Evlin, "Have they returned?" Evlin shook her head.

"Kolyat spoke to Mr. Krios awhile ago…but they were still at the lounge…"

"Shit…" Garrus swore harshly, "well, hold on, this is Thane and Shepard we are talking about…they're probably in some back alley blowing off steam…" Garrus jumped a bit in surprise as Tali smacked his shoulder.

"Bosh'tet…what if they're in trouble?" Garrus shrugged.

"It's Shepard Tali…how much trouble do you think she could get into on the Citadel?" Tali's face was obscured from view by her helmet, but her body language screamed 'Are you seriously asking that question?' He looked at her for a long moment.

"I'll talk to Joker…"

"I'll see if EDI can access the security cams."

. . .

Shepard let out a whoop as the Normandy came within sight. She limped towards Thane, throwing her arms about him. "We made it babe!"She yelled, he pulled her into a passionate kiss; they were both still hopped up on adrenaline. The fight had been long and bloody and both of them were severely injured…as she examined his face she noted several deep cuts along the ribbing of his cheeks, his lower lip was definitely swollen, and his breathing was slightly irregular. "Thane?" Her heart clenched as she heard him begin to wheeze.

"I'm fine Sih-ah!" He clutched at his chest as he began to cough.

"Thane? Thane!" Shepard cried as he stumbled, falling to his knees. She opened her comm. unit, "Joker! Get Mordin…tell him to meet us outside the docking bay, now! Thane's having another attack!" She was shrieking at the top of her lungs, completely panicked.

"Si-ha…" Thane tried to speak.

"No! no no no no….don't talk…just focus on breathing…" She cradled his face to her chest as she helped him sit up. "Where the fuck is Mordin!" If Thane didn't get control of his breathing soon he would suffocate.

Turning she pressed her forehead to his, fighting tears as she heard him struggle for air. _Not yet…not yet…please, I need more time….Arashu, I beg you…help him._


	7. Disaster Prevention

**AN: I just wanted to say here that I really appreciate all the kind feedback I've gotten for this story...I was concerned it wasn't a good one, and you lovely people have shown me otherwise. Many many thanks to sever-black, Emantsal, and most of all Kittenseye for her help in keeping this story going and letting me know if I'm on the right track or not...I owe you a very big cookie lovie! Anyway, just wanted to say thanks to you guys. I also want to thank all of you who have added this story to your fav's and alerts list, it brightens my day to see those emails, it truly does. :)**

Idiots…he was surrounded by idiots. Jax leaned against the wall facing the entrance to the docking bay. He hated the Citadel…he preferred Omega to this all out lie of a space station. His hired men had already contacted him of their failure…and to be perfectly honest if he wasn't desperate for creds he'd have them shot. _So close…I was so close…_Jax was livid.

Sounds of a raised voice in panic caused him to turn towards the docking bay. _No fucking way… _He smiled. Commander Brina Shepard was in his sights…the hatred that filled his veins was almost enough to make him gag. He wanted her dead... he wanted her to die a slow agonizing death… leaving her as miserable as she had left his brothers back on Torfan.

He wondered what she was so upset about…but then he saw a drell, obviously suffering from a Kepral's attack…Jax laughed, _oh…this is perfect!_

Jax now had _two_ ways to torture the commander…two weaknesses to exploit. He felt his anger at his men's failure recede. He could wait a moment longer… revenge like this needed to be planned out carefully.

. . .

Shepard felt her face flush with heat; it wasn't a blush though…this was caused by rage…pure, straight, unfiltered rage. "What do you mean nothing more can be done?" She growled. This was not happening…she _refused_ to let this be happening.

Dr. Chakwas's eyes held a sadness that was both familiar and disheartening. Shepard had seen that look whenever a soldier was going to die under the doctor's care… this wasn't just a soldier though…this was far more important, something deeply involved with the commander's ability to fight the reapers and save the galaxy.

"He's only absorbing a little more than half the normal capacity of oxygen. Things aren't that bad right now but Shepard… they are about to get worse and I need you to steel yourself." Shepard shook her head in a silent no. Startled as the doctor's fingers brushed away tears she hadn't realized were there. "Shepard…" Chakwas crooned.

"Stop it." Shepard's voice had never been colder. Chakwas backed up, startled. "Don't you _dare_ pity me, I don't need your sympathy, I need you to do your damn job and fix him." Chakwas sighed, turning her back on Shepard as she examined her own terminal.

"Shepard, Kepral's Syndrome has been an ongoing problem for the drell species ever since they left their home world… like Thane himself said, if the Hanar Illuminated Primacy can't fix this, what do you think a ship's medic like me can do?"

"Something!" Shepard shrieked, "Anything! For God's sake we _can't_ just give up!" She curled her fingers in her crimson hair and pulled as hard as she could. Chakwas placed a steadying hand on her shoulder.

"Shepard…I'm sorry, there's nothing Mordin or I can do anymore. The disease is too advanced." Shepard moved to yell again.

"Siha, come here please." Thane's voice was weak after his last attack. Shepard bowed her head, feeling the color drain from her skin until she knew there was hardly any evidence of her angst. Chakwas smiled sadly at her, nodding to the med bay beyond her office. Shepard squared her shoulders; back ram rod straight, feeling like she was facing her academy drill sergeant more than the love of her life.

Thane was reclined in one of the beds, propped up against numerous pillows and covered in dozens of blankets to keep him warm. If she hadn't been a witness to the events of several hours ago she would have thought nothing was wrong…but Shepard knew better.

"Hey" She offered weakly as she took his hand.

"Your eyes are red." _Damn it..._ His grip tightened around her fingers reassuringly and he gave her one of his rare crooked grins, the kind that made her weak in the knees.

"Siha…" He began, but she shushed him.

"Don't." He was going to give her another version of _the Talk_ and she was in no mood to listen to it. She was not in denial about his death; she was in denial about there being nothing else they could do about it. Shepard wasn't convinced that the game was over…there had to be _something_. Thane moved to speak when the intercom crackled with static, causing them both to cringe.

+_Commander…we've docked at Liara's, she's waiting for you in the lobby.+_ Shepard sighed, her breathing shaky. Had she been shivering like this all along? Thane moved to speak again but stopped as she shook her head. "Please…" she whispered as she leaned close, "don't give me a speech." There was a hint of a smile on his lips as she kissed him; it had been what she had said when he came to her before the Omega 4 Relay. The kiss was soft at first, but quickly became stronger, tinged with hunger and desperation. They had so little time left…Shepard couldn't fathom it completely. If she did she would go insane. As Thane's hands cradled her face she knew she was crying again. What in the hell was she doing going to Liara's anyway? Thane only had a few months left and she should be spending it in the Loft with him as much as possible. She knew she had to leave though as she pulled away, somewhat reluctantly. She needed to see if Liara could find anything regarding experimental treatments for Thane…and she needed to collect herself after her most recent freak out session,

"I'll be back soon." She whispered against his forehead.

"I'll be waiting" came his reply.

. . .

Shepard tasted the stale air of the Shadow Broker's Lair…cringing. She was not overly fond of the space ship; it was far too open and far too dark.

"Shepard…" Liara's smiling face filled her vision and soon Shepard found herself in a comforting embrace. She had missed Liara, normally she found the asari annoying or extremely ditzy…but the phrase absence makes the heart grow fonder had never been more accurate. Things were starting to get really depressing on the Normandy and right at that moment she needed Liara's bubbly personality.

"It's good to see you Liara, how are things?" The woman's blue face seemed to brighten,

"Great! I at first had thought this would be next to impossible, but I'm slowly getting acclimated to being the Shadow Broker." Shepard nodded as she gazed at the numerous databanks, all chattering away…the many voices blurring together to form a comforting buzz as background noise.

"How is Feron?" Liara's smile widened.

"He is fine, healing." Shepard nodded. "While I am extremely happy to see you, I sense you aren't just dropping by..." Shepard nodded, Liara was a ditz…but she knew Shepard all too well.

"It's Thane…" Liara's smile faded and she placed a hand on the commander's shoulders. "I'm not an asari Liara…I can't deal with this, I'm losing it…" Shepard bowed her head, her shoulders sagging, "Chakwas and Mordin have told me that nothing more can be done…the disease is far too advanced." Liara nodded,

"Yes, and what with him refusing the transplants I assume that doesn't leave any other options."

"What?" Shepard's head shot up. "What are you talking about? What transplants?" Liara's eyes widened.

"I assumed you knew… Thane is a perfect candidate for a lung transplant…but he refused to be added to the list." Liara's cheeks flushed a faint purple and she bit her lower lip, "I thought you knew that…goddess, I shouldn't have said anything." Shepard shook her head.

"No, you _should_ have and thank you for letting me know." She straightened, feeling her implants begin to itch as her skin flushed with heat. "Now, if you'll excuse me I have to go strangle a certain drell in Life Support." As she turned to leave she realized she had hardly visited with Liara. "I'll be back in a bit okay? We are planning on docking here for a few days."

Liara smiled, "Don't be too hard on Thane, Shepard…" The commander pretended not to hear, she was far too furious.

. . .

Kolyat stepped out of Life Support, staying up all night with Evlin had worn him out. The girl was relentless! Always asking questions…pestering him about his attitude… He wished she would just leave him alone!

_Aw give me a break Arashu…_ he thought as he turned towards the kitchen area. There she was…eating what appeared to be some kind of soup… He tried to turn back towards Life Support, but the sudden movement caught her eye. _Godsdamnit…_

"Good afternoon Kolyat." She smiled at him, her cheeks flushed from the steam coming off of her food. Kolyat felt his anger lessen slightly, for reasons unknown to him.

"Hey…Evlin...did you get any sleep?" She nodded, before taking another bite of her food. As he took the seat across from her he noted how strange the soup looked. The amber liquid held leafy green things mixed with orange chunks…bits of meat and noodles floating at the top. _Human food is so strange…_

"Would you like some soup? Mr. Gardner made this…he says it's called Italian-Style Wedding Soup…his grandmother's recipe." Kolyat glanced questioningly at the food…

"It looks weird…" He finally offered. Evlin nodded, smiling again…her smile didn't irritate him as much as Shepard's did.

"But it does taste delicious…" He moved to decline when his stomach protested…loudly.

"I guess I'll try it…" Evlin stood, moving towards the stove in the kitchen area.

The sounds of the elevator powering up made them both pause, staring at the doors. As they slid opened Shepard stepped out, but something about her normally stoic persona was…off.

"Ma…" Evlin's voice was shaky, her posture strained.

"Not now Evlin." Shepard snapped as she moved for Life Support, Kolyat noticed her eyes were a gleaming red…the cybernetics flashing as she glanced over them as she passed.

"Oh…no…no no no…" Evlin was shivering, hands flashing blue…eyes beginning to glow white. Kolyat was a tad startled…Shepard hadn't seemed that upset except for her eyes…but it was obvious Evlin was sensitive to others' moods.

"Hey…" Kolyat stood, approaching her. "Evlin…calm down." He didn't know what to do…he'd only ever dealt with this kind of thing with Oriana…but she had always shrugged off his concern…pushing him away, claiming she was absolutely fine.

"Something is very wrong…" She whispered…closing her eyes, hands gripping the edge of the counter. Her head bent forward, a curtain of dark hair hiding her face. Kolyat looked around, wondering if anyone else was available to help.

Hesitantly he reached his hand out, remembering that she didn't take kindly to most people touching her. When his palm landed on her shoulder he felt her shudder, her whole body shivering. He let his hand rest there until he felt the muscles in her shoulders relax. Letting it fall back to his side as she straightened.

"Thank you…" She murmured. Kolyat simply nodded in response.

"You want more soup?" He asked; surprised at the relief that flooded through him when she smiled and nodded.

. . .

As Shepard entered Life Support she immediately felt the emptiness. "EDI…where is Thane?" The AI sphere popped out of a terminal.

"Mr. Krios was moved to the Loft Shepard…you thought he would be more comfortable there." Shepard cringed at her forgetfulness.

"Right…thanks EDI" She entered the elevator, smacking the top floor button.

Shepard was seething when the doors to her cabin opened. There he was, lounging in her bed, reading a book like nothing was wrong. If the circumstances were different she would have smiled and crawled into bed with him, snuggling against his perfectly sculpted chest…damn it she was getting distracted. He looked up from his book and smiled. "Back so soon Siha?"

"You lying shithead." She hissed. Thane's eye ridges rose,

"Pardon?" Shepard stormed towards the bed, practically looming over him. Any lesser man would have pissed himself by now, but not Thane.

"You lied to me… nothing was ever mentioned about a lung transplant." His face fell ever so slightly and his inner eyelids fluttered rapidly.

"Siha…" Shepard slammed her fist into the wall,

"Don't you fucking start with the 'Siha' bullshit!" She stormed back to the fish tanks, envying the little bastards for their quiet uncomplicated life, "I've lost sleep, sanity, hell I've thrown up over this on a number of occasions…" Her face crumpled like she was going to cry but she didn't. "And all that time you never once mentioned that you were such a perfect candidate for a transplant." She caught the red glare of her cybernetic eyes reflected in the fish tank's wall and it scared her. Thane placed the book on the bedside table; he was so damn calm she wanted to punch him. When he turned back to her his face was grim.

"What do you want me to say Siha? And no I will not stop calling you that so calm down." Shepard pushed her forehead into the glass, taking some minor relief in the ice cold surface.

"Why? Tell me why…help me understand Thane…" The tears began their assault and Shepard was too drained to care. Closing her eyes, she let them flow. Roughened fingers brushed the tears from her face as they cupped her chin, turning her away from the fish. Pools of liquid onyx filled her vision and it was all she could do not to fall into his embrace. He shouldn't have even been standing; he needed to lie back down, but he wanted to comfort her. But she was still mad…still angry and bitter over his lie.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. He leaned his forehead against hers and kissed her nose, as if that could make it all better.

"Yea, I'm sorry too. Your half assed apology isn't going to comfort me when I wake up with your corpse." She pushed him away and stormed into the elevator, knowing he was far too weak to follow.

. . .

Thane stared out of the loft's sky light; looking at the stars whooshing past. The hiss of the doors opening startled him; it had only been an hour since she had left.

"Siha?" He called out.

"No…Garrus." Thane cringed, he hadn't expected this…

"What can I do for you Officer Vakarian?"

"You know damn well what you can do." The turian's fringe was flared and his eyes held a harshness Thane had only seen when he had stared at the abomination in the collector base.

"Is Siha alright?"

Garrus snorted, "She is currently locked in the armory, polishing her guns." Thane couldn't help but smile, "And before you ask she has no idea I'm up here, nor would she appreciate me talking to you. You once butted into my personal business when I fought with Shepard over Sidonis; it's only fair that I now do the same to you." Garrus seated himself next to the bed. Giving Thane an intense look he stated, "Get the transplant."

He had not formed the statement as a request. "Officer Vakarian, last I checked you were a turian…not a drell and most definitely not my mother…exactly where do you get the idea that you or anyone on this ship save for a certain human commander can tell me what to do?" Though his words were partially in jest, Thane had to admit he was a tad irritated.

"Listen, when you do eventually die whose job do you think it's going to be to keep Shepard's pistol out of her mouth?" Thane stifled a small shudder at the thought of his Siha in that position again. "See? You don't like it any better than I do…but that's how she's going to be after you leave. Now I know the risks of this, but I also know how much more time it would give you guys. Do you not realize that if this were a success you would have years more with Shepard instead of months? Don't you want that?"

"And do you not realize Garrus, that if the surgery fails I'll only have days left instead of months?" There it was; the simple truth of the matter that he was far too embarrassed to tell Shepard when she had confronted him. He was scared…absolutely terrified. As much as he had prepared himself for the inevitable, the assassin was not ready for Kalihira's embrace. He did not want to leave his Siha, did not want to lose her.

"Thane…I don't know what to do here…I'm in an odd position, and normally I wouldn't involve myself with this…but I ran into Shepard as she entered the CIC, and it scared me." Thane didn't know what to say, "Now I can kinda understand where the commander is coming from here…my mother is very very sick, and if there was any treatment that could improve her health that was this certain? I'd want her to get it…no matter the risks." The turian placed a hand on the edge of the bed, "I'm sorry…I know I have no right to demand anything from you…but Shepard is the only friend I have in this galaxy…and I'm terrified of what your death is going to do to her." Thane's eyes nictated several times…he still didn't have a response for Garrus.

"I'm going to go see if I can talk Shepard down…if you hear any explosions from the armory…I would like Expel 10 played at my funeral." Garrus gave a turian version of a grin and left.

Thane leaned back, emotionally and physically drained…for so long his life had been on a set course…a straight path, with no forks in the road…then this fiery angel of war charged into his life and now everything was chaos…no easy decisions in sight.

The doors to the cabin slid open yet again; Thane didn't bother to look up at the visitor, "Do you need something?" He asked, getting an answer he was not expecting.

"Yea actually…" Kolyat said, "I do."

. . .

I am beginning to fall in love with the Normandy. She is a gorgeous vessel and I feel more at home here than anywhere else I've ever been. Sadly, the calm has been shattered…Ma is unwell.

It has to do with Mr. Krios…of that much I am sure…she didn't tell me though…I heard from Mr. Vakarian. He is very scared for Ma…he doesn't bother to hide it.

Kolyat is upset as well, he left our card game to go talk to his father…I hope everything is alright. Kolyat is bitter and damaged enough…I fear if another catastrophe were to occur he would never recover. And to be perfectly honest that concerns me far more than I think it should.

I trace my finger over the patterns in the back of the cards on the table. The Celtic knot design of Ma's deck of cards fascinates me. I'm pretty sure I have ruined the layout of the card game Kolyat had set up…I can't remember what game he was about to teach me…I know it was complicated, part of me is beginning to wonder if the reason Kolyat likes to play card games with me is because I am so bad at them... I have a feeling Kolyat won't be returning for a very long time, so I content myself with playing with the deck and listening to the thrum of the engines.

To my great surprise Mr. Krios steps out of the elevator. He is holding his side as if in pain…and his breathing is unusual.

"Are you alright Mr. Krios?" I ask, he looks very sick…his normal emerald hue has paled somewhat and his eyes seem clouded slightly.

"I shall be fine in a moment Evlin, I appreciate your concern…may I sit with you while I catch my breath?" I nod, piling Ma's cards into a neat pile.

"Are you sick?" I ask, Mr. Krios seems agitated about something…he is fidgeting. His eyes seem focused on a far off point, like he is in a different time…and it is then I remember Ma telling me of solipsism. Mr. Krios is no longer in the present it seems. I hope things are well between him and Ma…Mr. Krios is a kind soul, and I can see how much he adores Ma.

"I apologize for going elsewhere Evlin…did you say something?" I have a feeling it is very difficult for him to talk at the moment…his breathing is still uneven.

"No Mr. Krios…I didn't say anything." I do not wish to make him talk more…he needs to catch his breath. I look up from the cards, "Would you like some tea? Mr. Gardner showed me how to make some." Mr. Krios offers a small smile.

"That would be most welcome Evlin, my thanks." I nod before standing, padding barefoot over to the kitchen area. I like the feel of the cold metal against my feet, Ma had purchased a pair of slip on shoes for me…but I refuse to wear them. I hate shoes…

As I pull a kettle from above the stove I hear the elevator open again. Kolyat's heavy foot falls erupt from the lift.

"Would you like some tea Kolyat?" I ask over my shoulder.

"Sure…not so strong though…you made it way too bitter last time…" _Only to match your mood…_ I think with a smile.

"Kolyat…" Mr. Krios tries to acknowledge his son's presence.

"Save it dad…you don't want the transplant so that's the end of it. I don't need to be coddled and cajoled, it's your life and apparently I have no say in it whatsoever anymore." I flinch at the malice in his voice; clearly Mr. Krios had a similar reaction because Kolyat soon leaves for Life Support. His body language spoke of embarrassment and a small amount of regret.

"I'm sorry you had to witness that…" Mr. Krios murmurs; he is flipping through the cards on the table.

"I didn't mind Mr. Krios…I'm sorry he was so mean…Kolyat seems to be quite the grouch." I smile as the water comes to a boil. Kolyat's grouchiness is quite amusing at times…though that wasn't the case right now.

"I fear that is my own fault…but that is a long story and one I do not feel like telling at the moment." I nod as I fill two mugs with tea…it is Earl Grey tea, one of Ma's favorite brands. I place one in front of him.

As I sip my tea gingerly, for it is still quite hot I notice just how sad Mr. Krios looks. There is almost a physical pain in my stomach as I witness his unease. Whatever is going on…it is very bad.

"Ma loves you very much Mr. Krios." I say suddenly. Part of me is frightened at my boldness and I fear I might have upset him…but the words seem to comfort him slightly because he actually takes a sip of tea, smiling.

"I know…thank you Evlin." I nod, taking another drink. The warm liquid slides down my throat and soothes the unease in my stomach. The tea appears to be helping Mr. Krios too, for his mood seems to have brightened considerably since he took his first sip, his breathing is almost back to normal.

The elevator opens once more, and fear settles in my gut when I see who it is…

"What the hell are you doing out of bed?" Ma is furious, and it hurts. I am not used to feeling this way around her…it's terrifying. I feel my hands begin to shake and for a moment…I can't move.

Mr. Krios turns towards her, "Siha…we need to talk." She narrows her eyes, the red irises flashing in the harsh lighting of the room.

"No…you need to get the hell back to bed and rest…you are sick." I focus on the cards on the table…trying to stop the tremors…Ma is obviously far too upset, for she would never act like this around me normally…she knows what happens. As I stare into her eyes I see that she is terrified, scared out of her mind…and it breaks my heart. I don't know what to do…

"Evlin…" I look up; Kolyat has exited Life Support and is walking towards me. "Evlin, come with me please…you need to calm down." For once I do not sense anger or bitterness…and it is as refreshing as spring rain. He is filled with concern for…me?

Kolyat takes my hand and leads me towards Life Support…or salvation in my eyes, already the tremors have stopped and I feel my body begin to calm. "Let's leave them to talk…" He murmurs awkwardly as he gestures for me to enter first.

. . .

Shepard watched Evlin and Kolyat leave…realizing what she had almost done to Evlin…and feeling worse for it. Evlin was one of the only good things in her life and she had just hurt her.

"Siha…please sit down." She stormed towards the seat across from Thane. Falling into the chair and glaring at him across the table.

"I'm sorry for deceiving you…" He offered, reaching for her hands. She stared at his…at war with herself, before she sighed and clasped them in her own. A look of immense relief flooded his eyes and Shepard realized how much of an idiot she was being…this wasn't about her…she was being a selfish bitch.

"Thane…I…I'm the one who should be sorry not you…you've done nothing wrong. I'm just being selfish." She squeezed his fingers before bringing his hands towards her face to kiss his knuckles. "I just don't want to lose you…" Her voice broke and she swore violently.

"Siha…" Shepard shook her head.

"No Thane…you don't have to get the transplant…I shouldn't be forcing you. This isn't about me…I should be supporting you, not yelling at you." His hand cupped the side of her face and she leaned into his palm. His thumb wiped away the tear track down her cheek, but it was futile. Shepard hated being this weak…hated what her sadness did to him.

"Siha…" She looked into his eyes, seeing a small smile grace his perfect lips. "I'm getting the transplant…I've already spoken with Mordin."

Shepard's eyes widened considerably, and Thane was relieved to see the red beginning to fade back to the coffee colored eyes he adored. "What?"

"I've changed my mind…I've decided I'm not ready to give up just yet…" His thumb stroked her cheek again, "I'm not ready to leave you…"

Shepard wasn't sure what to say…so many emotions flooded her system. She simply stared into his eyes…before throwing herself across the table and into his arms. He caught her as her chair clattered to the side, laughing softly as she tackled him.

"I love you…" She whispered fiercely into his neck.

"As I love you Siha."


	8. A Lotus Christmas

**AN: This is just a Christmas oneshot folks...not a real update... I am sorry if I've dissapointed anyone (sever-black I'm talking to you :P) I'm heading for my Dad's on Christmas day and the real update for Lotus is gonna take a while...Fable 3 and Fallout New Vegas are calling me...such lovely voices...*sighs* Anywho...this is my Christmas gift to all you lovely people who like my story. **

**Happy Holidays yall! **

Snow…it is cold. My fingers begin to stiffen and freeze as I examine the ice shavings in my hands. The tiny crystals change color as I shift them under the strange lights of the Citadel. I am not quite sure which park we are in amongst the wards…but it has snow.

"Gods above Evlin, haven't you seen snow before?" Kolyat is a master at shattering the peace and serenity of any moment…

"Not genuine white snow as beautiful as this…when I lived in New York the snow I saw was slushy and black from street sludge…this is my first experience with white snow…isn't it gorgeous?" I turn, with the snow in my hands, towards him.

He huffs and turns away from me. "It's cold…" I would have laughed at my bitter friend, if I knew it wouldn't frighten him off.

"Please be happy Kolyat…its Christmas…this is a happy time of year." I am trying not to beg…but I sense he wants to participate in the collective joy of the crew…but he feels he can't. If he shows his true feelings…he fears his father will think he's forgiven, which he most certainly is not…

"Why should I?" Kolyat hisses. I flinch and drop my handful of snow, feeling as if the ice has soaked through my skin and into my veins. Kolyat notices my reaction, and to my great surprise his face softens slightly, not a lot…but enough for me to notice.

"Sorry…" He mumbles as he picks up a clump of snow, "I'm okay Evlin…go have fun." He places the snow back into my hands, and unless what the batarians did to me has now made me _completely_ mad, I think the corners of his mouth have turned upwards slightly…though I am probably just seeing things…Kolyat _never _smiles.

I feel warmth in my hands instead of the cold I was expecting. My fingers massage the snow into a small sphere and I watch it closely as it rolls around my joined palms. I look up at Kolyat…who is still watching me oddly enough…

_Should I?_ I cannot believe the wicked ideas that have sprung into my mind…they slither about my brain, caressing it with temptations I really shouldn't be listening too… if this should fail…if what I have been sensing from him is wrong…this whole thing could turn out very badly…it is a heavy risk…

_But the prize…_

Quickly, almost too fast for him to see, I fling the ball of snow into Kolyat's face.

. . .

The Commander and the Turian's roars of laughter brought the Drell back to the present. "Spirits…I cannot believe she just did that!"

"Me either Vakarian…his face….look at his face…my Gods…" Shepard's shoulders were shaking as she bent over her knees, hugging her stomach. Garrus was almost in a similar position, both gesturing towards the sight they found so amusing.

Thane watched his son, noticing his face was covered in snow, his expression one of astonishment…mixed with some confusion, and little Evlin was smiling.

"Oh no…" Shepard's hand flowed around his, squeezing as they waited to see Kolyat's reaction. The trio tensed as it looked like Kolyat would react negatively…he felt Shepard's body loosen up, her knees bending slightly, ready to run to Evlin's aid should Kolyat's reaction throw her over the edge.

To everyone's shock the young drell moved to wipe the snow from his leathers, though Thane's trained eyes examined him collecting it in his hand. Evlin must have been expecting an outburst…but quickly got a face full of retaliation.

He basked in the warmth of Shepard's smile as Evlin's surprised shriek pierced the still air. Evlin turned and began a strange combination of running and hopping through the deep snow drifts. Kolyat, face stoic, bent to scoop up an armful of ice shavings and charged after her.

"You know Thane…" His Siha's dark brown eyes became mischievous and he felt a small sliver of fear pierce his core. "There's this human saying…" She said as she bent to fiddle with her boots. Standing, she clasped her hands behind her back…a bad sign.

"When in Rome…" In a spectacular show of cybernetic speed and strength she had him by the collar of his jacket, he didn't bother to struggle…it would be futile.

Thane normally had great control over his body…not today. As the ice slid down his back he actually convulsed…leaping out of Shepard's grasp, a highly embarrassing noise escaping his throat.

He turned back towards her in shock…only to find she was yards away, and running for her life…as she was justified in doing. Pretending like the Turian was not laughing at him he very smoothly shook the rest of the snow from his jacket and moved to exact his revenge.

. . .

"Ach!" Shepard screamed as she fell from the tree branch. She had thought she was being sneaky too…_damn that over observant assassin…_ The snow ball had slammed into the back of her head and now her hair was soaked, sticking to the sides of her face.

She picked herself out of the snow drift to find the assassin hot on her heels. _Shit, shit, shit!_ She slipped, but soon righted herself and made to run for more cover.

_Wait…I'm a biotic…duh…_ feeling stupid she quickly threw up a barrier, giving Thane a shit eating grin. _Hah, take that! Nah nah nah naah naaaaaaaaah!_

"That's not fair Siha" Thane chided her. She stuck out her tongue,

"Deal with it." Her voice was warped and echoed through the barrier.

Her lover sighed heavily, before his hands glowed blue. It was then Shepard remembered that biotics were strong against almost everything…except other biotics. _Oops…_

Thane threw a warp at her shield, immediately shattering it. "You better run my Siha…" He called after her as she turned.

Thane stooped to pick up another snow ball, cupping it in his hands.

"Amonkira, Lord of Hunters, may my hands be steady, my aim be true, and my feet swift…and should the worst come to happen…" He drew his arm back, taking careful aim. He smiled darkly.

"Grant me forgiveness…" He flung the snowball towards the Commander… knowing it would hit right on target. Sure enough…he heard her shriek.

"Scoped and dropped!" Garrus cried.

. . .

I am weak…my bones feel like jelly…it is not an unpleasant sensation. Running through deep snow is exhausting…yet I have never felt so alive. Kolyat is shivering, his teeth clacking together. His leathers are soaked through… I would offer him my heavy coat, but it's in the same condition. We trudge towards Mr. Vakarian; Kolyat has stiffened and is trying to pretend he did not just engage in a snowball fight.

"You kids have fun?" Mr. Vakarian's eyes are especially bright, his mandibles flared widely. He has obviously been enjoying himself.

"Yes Mr. Vakarian!" I smile; I don't think I've ever smiled so much in one sitting, my cheeks actually hurt.

"I guess…" Kolyat shrugs apathetically and I resist the urge to groan.

"Where is Ma?" I ask; peering around the park we are in. Garrus shrugs, before gesturing towards a large snow drift a good distance away. Kolyat and I turn just in time to see Mr. Krios's leather jacket fly into the air, followed by one of Ma's gloves.

"Gods damn it!" Kolyat hisses as he turns towards the docking bay. "Don't they _ever_ quit?"

"I'm afraid not kid…though I do admit it gets old after a while…bout had to puke for days after we returned from the Omega 4…if you can believe it they've actually toned it _way_ down…"

Kolyat shakes his head, pain and anger crossing his features. Mr. Vakarian gestures me towards the docks to return to the Normandy. I rush to Kolyat's side, before moving my mitten into his gloved hand.

He looks down in surprise and I smile, swinging our hands the way I've seen others do. "Be happy…it's Christmas." There's that teeny tiny smile again.

When I burst into the airlock my face immediately flares up with heat and it is then I decide I love winter. I shake out of my coat, glad to be rid of its weight. I let it fall to the floor, where it splashes into a puddle of melted snow. Looking down at my feet in disgust I slip my feet from the bonds of snow boots and skip down the runway towards the elevator, grinning as Kolyat yells after me.

. . .

"I swear she's like a fucking ten year old…" Kolyat hissed as he picked up Evlin's coat and shoes. Garrus laughed, clapping the young drell on the shoulder, the force almost knocking him over.

"Well…at least she keeps you on your toes." It was then the air lock hissed open again, the sounds of Thane and Shepard's laughter filtering through the decontamination chamber.

"I'm leaving…" Kolyat hissed, heading to the elevator at a brisk pace.

Garrus shook his head after the drell before turning to greet his friends.

"Garrus!" Shepard's voice was cheery, her face flushed with color and her eyes shining. She had obviously received a very satisfying Christmas gift.

"Did you enjoy yourself Commander?" Garrus's tone told them he knew exactly what they had gotten up to in the snow.

"Well…see Thane was going to win the snowball fight…so I changed the game…" Shepard bit her lip as the assassin's arm slid around her waist.

"That doesn't sound fair Shepard…" Garrus was trying to keep his voice steady.

"But I wanted to win!" Shepard whined.

"To be perfectly honest I did not mind losing…" Thane smiled and Garrus finally let himself laugh.

Shepard leaned into the assassin's embrace, whispering "Sooooo..tie breaker in the Loft?" Thane grabbed her hand and proceeded to drag her towards the elevator.

"Merry Christmas Garrus!" Shepard cried before she was pulled into the lift.

"Right back at you Commander!" Garrus responded.


	9. The waiting game

**AN: The lyrics are from Death Cab for Cutie's 'What Sarah Said'**

**

* * *

**

_Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room, just nervous pacers bracing for bad news..._

_

* * *

_I am sitting in Life Support...trying to remain calm. I breathe in a deep gulp of stale air…and hold it for as long as I can, eventually letting it whoosh out of my lungs. I repeat this process several times.

"Evlin…"

"Yes Kolyat?"

"Please stop."

He is in a similar meditative pose to that of Mr. Krios…making his tall gangly figure appear lithe and graceful. He sits on his father's cot, while I occupy Mr. Krios's chair. Kolyat is also trying to remain calm…even though we both face losing the one we love most.

If something happens to Mr. Krios…I dare not think of what will happen to Kolyat. It will destroy him utterly I am sure. Thoughts of Ma's reaction are even more painful, and I begin to shake.

"Evlin…" Kolyat's hand is an anchor of serenity on my shoulder and I still immediately.

"Why has no one told us anything?" My voice is shaky.

"Because they don't know anything yet, it's only been a few hours since Mordin started the surgery…and for an advanced case like my father's…" Kolyat's voice changes pitch and his mouth snaps shut. I watch the tensing of his jaw and realize he is scared. Fear rolls off of him in waves. He does not wish his father death…he is still angry, but he does not want his father to leave him again. He's been abandoned far too many times already. He lacks the energy to make it through the process again.

I move from my chair until I am standing right in front of him. His eyes widen and he appears to be wavering between staying still and rearing back. I lift my hands and with the lightest touch press my fingers to the sides of his face. His inner eyelids flicker at the contact.

"Please don't be scared Kolyat." I whisper.

"Why can't I be scared?"

"I am scared enough for the both of us…" He laughs softly; it is so quiet I almost believe it was just my imagination.

His smile fades and we stare into each other's eyes for far longer than is appropriate. Kolyat's hands grab mine causing me to jump in surprise.

"Evlin…" Kolyat's raspy voice is even more gravelly.

"Yes…"

"Go sit back down."

"Okay…"

* * *

_And it came to me then that every plan is a tiny prayer to father time..._

_

* * *

_Shepard paced…back and forth…an endless path…no deviations. _Walk the line…just keep walking this same ole line and everything will work out…_ For the thousandth time that hour she grabbed her hair and yanked. She was gonna be bald by the time Thane's surgery was over.

They had spent as much time together as they could, soaking up as much of each other as possible before taking this leap of faith. Once the decision had been made Thane's apprehension and unease seemed to disappear…but Shepard wondered if that was just an act for her benefit.

She had managed to compartmentalize her own growing angst and horror until he was already put under. Now she was free to yank her hair out and pitch an all out fit to her heart's content…but even though she was alone in the Loft…free to her own devices…all she could do was pace.

Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth…her path was endless and lonelier than she had ever imagined. If she lost him…no…no she could _not_ handle those thoughts right now…they would drive her over the edge. She would cross that bridge when she came to it…until then thinking of that outcome was a big no no.

_Five years…think of it Shep…five whole glorious, wonderful, miraculous years…_Five years wasn't a very long time…but it was a huge change from eight to twelve months. They had stayed up all night making plans and speaking of what ifs for the time they would be able to fill should the transplant work. She'd have time to really appreciate him…and he could take all the time in the world to learn every little thing about her. She stopped pacing…

Things could slow to a speed they could both enjoy…not that she hadn't cherished her time with him so far…but there was always that ticking clock in the back of her brain…the one reminding her of every second that passed by, bringing them closer and closer to the inevitable separation.

Her heart was beating so fast she was sure she'd give a hummingbird a run for its money. Her breathing had become shallow in the few seconds she had wavered from her line. Shaking out of her trance she resumed pacing…wringing her hands and popping the joints in her fingers as she moved.

Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth….

* * *

_And I rationed my breaths as I said to myself that I've already taken too much today..._

_

* * *

_I am seated between Kolyat and Samara. Kolyat thought I would fare better if I was with everyone…

So far being amongst the stress of the crew has been going well…I've now met Ma's friends Feron and Liara T'Soni…Feron makes me uncomfortable…I think it may be because I understand the after affects of torture so well…

He never leaves Dr. T'Soni's side…and his eyes glance about the room in a frantic manner. I hear Dr. T'Soni tell him multiple times that he is among friends and safe…this calms him for about five minutes before he begins keeping an eye on everyone again.

The elevator powers up…the lift being summoned to the top floor…everyone holds their breath as it descends to the crew deck.

Ma looks up as the doors slide open. Her eyes are bloodshot and glowing deep red from her implants. She appears weak and fragile as she steps into the Mess Hall. No one speaks…

"Hey guys…" Her voice is very faint.

"Shepard…are you alright?" Dr. T'Soni steps forward and embraces her.

"I'm as well as I can be Liara…" She returns the asari's hug before nodding in Mr. Feron's direction. "It is good to see you again Feron…how're you holding up?"

Mr. Feron gives Ma a small smile, "I'm much better, thank you."

Ma turns to me, and gives me a genuine smile.

"Evie…" She holds out her arms and I practically run to her. As her arms encircle me I feel completely at peace…just her smell soothes my nerves.

"You doin okay?" I smile into her shoulder, squeezing her tighter.

"Yes Ma" We move to sit at one of the tables, Kolyat actually changes seats to be nearer to us. To my surprise he actually talks to Ma.

"Has Mordin told you anything Shepard?" Ma's eyes widen as Kolyat acknowledges her presence…normally he avoids speaking to her at all costs.

"No…Kolyat…I doubt I'll hear anything before yall do. Mordin was adamant about keeping me in the dark for as long as possible."

"That's horrid, he should be updating you!" Ma turns to Dr. T'Soni.

"On the contrary Liara, the less I know the better…I asked for this."

Mr. Vakarian places a hand on Ma's shoulder and for a moment it looks like she will cry…I begin to shake…and then Kolyat grabs my hand.

I stare at our joined hands for a moment, before looking up into his dark eyes…he gives me a small smile before mouthing 'stay calm'.

Ma turns to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders, "You are handling this well Evie…I'm proud of you." I lean into Ma's side, smiling as she tucks my head under her chin.

* * *

_As each descending peak on the LCD took you a little farther away from me..._

_

* * *

_Garrus Vakarian didn't know what to do…everything felt like it was falling apart…The Commander was slowly leaving them…For every moment the drell spent in surgery he could feel Shepard withdraw more and more.

"Are you okay Garrus?" The turian opened his eyes to find Tali'Zorah staring up at him.

"Hey Tali…"

"Garrus" Her voice was off…and he noticed her shoulders were shaking.

"Tali…what's wrong?"

"I'm scared…I can't lose Shepard again." Her helmet turned towards Shepard, who was cradling Evlin to her, humming softly while the girl fell asleep. To most people she would appear to be handling the stress well…but Garrus and Tali knew her almost as well as she knew herself…and Shepard wasn't handling anything. Her skin was far too pale, her shoulders sagged, even the way she moved about made her seem far weaker than they knew her to be. When her eyes turned on him he felt his body grow cold…there was no life behind her eyes…Shepard's heart and soul were in the med bay with Mordin.

Uncertainty and fear fell like a stone in his gut and he gently pulled the quarian into a loose hug. It was the closest they'd ever gotten…and if the circumstances had been different Garrus would have been one giant ball of nerves…but he was scared too and needed Tali's comfort just as much as she needed his.

"She'll get through this…we all will…and even if things get worse…you still have me Tali."

* * *

_Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines, in a place where we only say goodbye..._

_

* * *

_Three days…he'd been in surgery for one…then in observation for two…if the transplant didn't take than his end would come fast…so Shepard had stayed in the Mess Hall.

The crew all took turns watching her. Gardner making sure she ate and always placing a blanket over her at night.

Kolyat watched all of this…and tried to ignore the memories. Seeing Shepard like this…and his father nowhere to be found…it was bringing up things he had spent ten years trying to suppress.

"_Thane…you promised."_

"_Siha…" _

"_No! Don't you start with me…you always do this!" I watch as my father walks out of their room, his face grim. Mother follows close behind, golden scales glinting in the harsh sunlight from the windows._

"_Thane…" My father turns to her, placing a tender kiss to her forehead._

"_I'll return soon." And then he is gone…_

"_Mother" She turns to me, the sun sets into the ocean as her eyes fill with tears. She quickly wipes them away, and plasters on a happy expression._

"_Kolyat, come here" I rush to her side, and laugh as she scoops me up and twirls me, father used to dance crazy with me…but in his absence Mother dances well._

"_Father will be back soon won't he?" Her face seems to stiffen, her eyes becoming sad once more._

"_I'm sure he'll hurry home as quickly as he can Kolyat." She kisses my forehead._

_I stare at her for a long time as she looks out the window…she is sad that he is gone…I hug her neck in a vain attempt to cheer her up._

"_Dance crazy" I command and she laughs, spinning me about the room once more._

Kolyat opened his eyes; to find he couldn't see anything…something was in his eyes…it was stringy. _Human hair…_ he thought as he realized arms were around his shoulders and something heavy was in his lap. He moved to protest when he realized it was Evlin.

"I'm sorry…" She whispered into his shoulder. Of their own free will his arms moved to embrace her.

"Yea…me too." They settled in to wait for Mordin's diagnosis.

* * *

_And then the nurse comes round and everyone lifts their heads..._

_

* * *

_Shepard awoke with a start, her head banging against the edge of the table. "Damn it!" She growled as she sat up.

"Apologies…did not mean to cause harm…" Shepard's eyes widened.

"Mordin! What's goin on…how is Thane?" The salarian held his hands up, stepping back a few paces.

"Stable for now…still very weak, body in no condition for visitors…simply came to inform you he is well." Shepard sighed; scratching the top of her head as she groggily looked around.

"So…Thane's going to be okay? The transplant was a success?"

"Yes" Shepard smiled faintly, before throwing her arms around the scientist.

Mordin made a strange sound as Shepard flung herself at him. He stiffened, not used to extreme forms of gratitude from his Commander.

"Thank you Mordin…j-just…_thank you_."

"Was nothing Shepard…already owe you far too much." He gently patted her back before stepping away.

"Need to go inform patient you are well…has refused sleep and medication until I tell him of your condition." Shepard snorted.

"You tell that stubborn jack ass that if he doesn't take his pills I'll shove them down his throat."

Mordin nodded before entering the Med Bay. Moments later he re emerged.

"Patient states that is the preferred way he would like to receive his treatment."

Shepard laughed, her fit of laughter was far more manic than she had intended; Mordin simply giving her a weird look before returning to Thane.

"Shepard…Spirits what's going on?" Garrus exited the Main Battery, making his way towards her.

She turned to him, her smile bright and her eyes shining. "He's okay…" She said, her laughter quickly turning into sobs of relief as the turian embraced her, "He's gonna be okay…"

* * *

_And I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all..._

_

* * *

_Shepard fell into bed. She had showered and put on a fresh pair of sweats…After hearing Thane would live she had immediately returned to her room. Sleeping in the Mess Hall had severely injured her back…and she was exhausted.

As she pulled the blankets around her she smiled, feeling the fog of sleep claiming her body. Her mind only saying one thing before going blank, _Thank you Arashu…a thousand times thank you…_

Something…she wasn't sure what…was poking her nose. Scrunching her face up, she made a noise of protest as she moved her face away. Whoever it was needed to stop before she reacted violently…

"Mmmngo away" She mumbled, only half conscious. The poking continued. "Damn it…I said go…away…" She was poked again…harder.

"I will kill you" This got her a laugh…and it took her a few seconds to place it…It was deep and gravelly…

"Thane…"

"Yes Siha?" She opened her eyes to find his face was so close their noses were touching.

"Thane…" She started to cry as he embraced her. Telling her he was fine…and everything was alright. Oh how she had ached to hear those words…

"I missed you" She said into his neck, kissing the red ribbons of flesh there. He nuzzled her shoulder, his arms tightening their hold.

"And I you Siha" His mouth found hers in the dark and she almost cried out, she had fully expected to never kiss him again…

"Did you see Kolyat?" She felt him nod against her shoulder.

"He and Evlin are currently asleep in Life Support." Shepard's eyebrows rose as she propped herself up on her elbow.

"Really?" Thane smiled.

"Yes…he has become quite protective of her…and he wanted to give you and I privacy." He kissed her again.

"God bless that kid…" Shepard murmured as Thane's lips traveled across her facial scar. The mood began to change rapidly…

"So…is this okay? I won't hurt you or anything?" She straddled him, his hands finding her hips.

"If you do I doubt I shall notice" He managed before she silenced him.

* * *

_But I'm thinking of what Sarah said...that love is watching someone die..._


	10. Snatched!

**AN: Oh...mah...GAWDS did this take forever...I am SO sorry to my wonderful readers who have been waiting so very patiently for this chapter...Thay Lord, I am experiencing the most horrid writer's block with this fic, and my one and only rule when writing is to never force chapters. When I force myself to write a chapter the end result's quality goes way down and you're left with a shitty update...so please forgive me, I wanna tell Brina's story right :)**

**One last thing: The author LadyKopaka drew a lovely picture of Evlin...it's really spooky how close she actually got to my inner image of Evie...seriously, the picture is gorgeous and the link is on my profile should any of yall get curious :) Many thanks to Lady Kopaka! Go read her fics damn it, for they are awesome! I think my fav is 'Just Cat'...**

**And now, the moment we've all been waiting for...Enjoy!:**

Colorful, not only in appearance but also in personality… Those are my first thoughts of the woman in front of me.

Ms. Zero is hard to read…unlike most of the Normandy crew, she makes it a habit to remain guarded everywhere…never once allowing herself to relax, though I can't really blame her…I do have a small idea of what she has been through.

"Quit staring at me…you're giving me the creeps." Ms. Zero's voice is a low growl, barely noticeable over the pulse of the engines.

"Why do I bother you?"

"Everyone bothers me, don't think you're fucking special or anything…now as I stated before, either find something else to gawk at or get the hell out."

I smile; Ma had warned me of Ms. Zero's hostility, "I apologize for unsettling you."

"I didn't ask you for an apology, I _told_ you to quit staring at me…."

I examine our surroundings. I am sitting on a table covered in data pads down in the bowels of the engineering deck. Though the walls and floor are metal it is quite warm here, and I can see how Ms. Zero gets away with wearing no shirt. Seeming to amplify the room's heat, the engines glow as if aflame…causing the light to reflect off the walls; casting us in a blood red haze.

Ms. Zero is sitting atop a cot she has pushed to the far side of her little room, which is framed by two staircases. I wonder how she finds this space private…but then again so many of the crew are afraid of her… I doubt they make a habit of coming down here for maintenance.

"I heard from Ma that you had a similar upbringing to mine…" I have been meaning to speak with Ms. Zero about this for a while now…

She snorts as she runs a hand over her shaved head. I particularly admire the intricate markings along her scalp, they are just as detailed as the markings that cover her entire body; the pain must have been excruciating…

"Really? So you were abducted as a baby and placed into a high tech lab overrun with masochistic fucktards who were trying to create some kind of super biotic; slaughtering hundreds of other children in the process?" There is challenge in her voice…

"No, I was captured at a young age by batarian slavers and forced to fight against anything from varren to human adults for their entertainment. When I won I was allowed to sleep and when I lost I was hung from the ceiling by my wrists while they whipped me with spiked chains."

I stand, smoothing my shirt as I watch her reaction. My response was not what she had expected…

"I'll leave you alone Ms. Zero; I hope you have a nice day." I travel towards the stairs, I intend to bid good morning, and possibly laugh at Mr. Donnelly and Ms. Daniels's banter before finding Ma. I hear Ms. Zero snicker to herself as I take my leave.

"Heh, Ms. Zero...I like it."

. . .

The first thing Thane Krios did when he woke up, was take a big…deep…breath.

"Oh that sounded nice…" Shepard murmured, her ear pressed to his chest, "I've said it before and I'll say it again, Mordin is genius and I owe him…umm…whatever the fuck Salarians have for cookies…"

She felt more than heard Thane's responding laughter, "Did you sleep well?"

Shepard squeezed his waist, placing a small kiss on his chest, "Better than I have for the past three days." She smiled as Thane began to stroke her hair.

"I apologize for causing you so much distress…" His tone was somber, and he jumped slightly as Shepard punched his shoulder. Her fist glowed with pale blue flames, Brina using just enough biotic power to make him actually _feel_ the punch, but not enough to hurt him.

"Shut it Krios…I don't wanna hear any more of that bullshit." He noticed her eyes had gone back to red.

"Shhh" He soothed, smoothing the crimson hair from her face, "I won't say it again Siha."

He smiled as the red melted back to the espresso color he adored and a peaceful expression returned to her face.

"So…I guess it's time to get up huh?" She grumbled, snuggling back into Thane's arms.

"That would be the responsible thing to do Siha…" His smile turned wicked as she pulled him on top of her.

"It's a good thing I ain't that responsible then…"

. . .

Kolyat stared at his cereal, trying to ignore the migraine building behind his eyes. His ribs were on fire…

"Are you well Kolyat?" He opened his eyes slowly, watching the random colors merge into Evlin, who had slid into the seat across from him at his table.

"My head hurts…" He couldn't help but groan. The shriek of her chair being pushed back almost caused him to cry out in misery.

Evlin's cool hands caressed the scales of his forehead and he had to stifle a soft moan. Her fingers pressed along his eye ridges, trailing towards his frills, applying more pressure to his temples.

"Is this helping?" She whispered; seeming to understand that volume was an issue.

"Goddess of Oceans…don't _ever_ stop doing that…" He breathed as her hands moved to the back of his neck, her knuckles kneading into his shoulders. He smiled at the sound of her soft laughter.

"My biotic instability often causes migraines…when I lived with Mrs. Hensley, she would massage my neck and shoulders sort of like this and it would help with the pain…"

"How long did you live with them?"

"From when Ma found me until two years ago…while I love them dearly, I do not miss them as I thought I would…I am…happy here." Her voice sounded off, Kolyat glancing up to find her expression one of confusion…

Heat flared through his skull at the gesture, followed by searing pain so unbearable he actually yelped. It felt like his chest was caving in on itself…

"Kolyat?" Evlin's voice sounded very far away…

He stared down at his food, suddenly realizing how incredibly foul it smelled…in fact it was so awful that…

He shoved his chair back, nearly knocking Evlin to the ground as he ran for the men's restroom.

. . .

"Holy mother of…just…damn…" Brina panted.

"Indeed…" Thane echoed, just as breathless.

Brina snuggled closer to her assassin, deliciously sated. He smiled at her, kissing the top of her head as the doors to the Loft slid open.

"Evie! Knock first damn it!" Brina cried as she pulled the covers up to her chin.

"Kolyat is sick…" The girl looked pale and shaken.

"What?" Thane asked.

"Kolyat…h-he was complaining of a headache…I tried to help…and now he is sick."

Brina sat up, reaching for her robe, "Okay, where is Kolyat now?"

Evlin began to wring her hands and started pacing, her voice sounded jittery, "He is in the men's restroom…he is very sick…he needs you Mr. Krios…"

Thane, not even bothering with modesty, stood and began to get dressed, quickly leaving the Loft to help his son.

Brina noticed how freaked out Evlin was soon becoming, pulling the girl towards the sofa to try to calm her nerves.

"Come here Evie, shhhh…." She pulled the girl into her lap, stroking her hair, noticing for the first time in the harsh overhead lighting, that Evlin's dark chestnut hair actually held a few streaks of grey, it looked almost silver.

"He is very very sick Ma…" She whimpered slightly. Brina began to lightly massage the girl's back.

"You've become quite attached to Kolyat haven't you?" She noticed that Evlin was a lot less distressed around the boy…she smiled more, even when Kolyat was being a complete and utter grouch Brina noticed a tiny little smile would appear on Evlin's face. It was like she understood where the moodiness was coming from…

"Yes…I'm scared Ma…"

"Listen, we have two very capable doctors on this ship…Professor Solus just helped Thane…I'm sure whatever is wrong with Kolyat can be easily fixed…for all we know maybe it's just food poisoning or something simple like that…"

"No…no something is very wrong…I can feel it." Evlin began to shake.

"Shhh….Evie, calm down baby…" Brina tucked Evlin's head under her chin, rocking her back and forth, feeling the girl's body slowly begin to relax…

Her shoulder became moist, and it was then she realized Evlin was crying. Silent, she made no sounds of distress…just the over flow of water dribbling down her face. Brina was stunned, Evlin only ever cried about her…no one else, the girl had once explained that Torfan had robbed her of her tears…the amount she had left incredibly small, but Brina held deep meaning, and was worthy of the few tears she had left. Other than that the girl cried at nothing, no matter how much pain she was in…

To see her crying over Kolyat was a very big deal…

"Evie…" Brina whispered, pulling Evlin closer as she began to sing and hum random lullabies to sooth Evlin's angst. A feeling of unease began to creep into her being, and Brina stifled a shiver as she continued to calm the girl.

. . .

Thane watched his son carefully…slowly helping him into the Med Bay. A cold chill began to settle in his gut…he'd experienced this sickness himself…right before he…

"MORDIN!" He almost screamed the salarian's name. Mordin entered the Med Bay, Dr. Chakwas hot on his heels.

"Krios…unusually loud…came as quick as possible, emergency I presume?"

Kolyat was wheezing…the kid was definitely out of breath, after the last wretch that had completely emptied the contents of his stomach he had been unable to get enough air. Even on the exam table he continued to cough and gag, desperately trying to suck in more oxygen. Dr. Chakwas scanned him, before attaching a breathing mask to Kolyat's face. She moved towards her private terminal, face grim as she let the other doctor do his work. She was not experienced with drell physiology like Mordin was…

_Kalihira no…no, you cannot do this to me…you CAN'T! _Thane's mind was chaos as he watched his son struggle to breathe.

Mordin seemed to realize what the problem was, which was good because Thane was unable to speak…he was frozen, turned to stone at the tragedy in front of him. _My son…please…not my son…Arashu have mercy…_

"Thane…must ask you to leave now…stress of situation making it difficult for young drell to breathe…your reaction not helping matters…I will examine him and get back to you as soon as possible, swear on doctor's honor."

Thane moved towards Mordin to protest.

"D-Dad…g-get…out…please…" Each word out of his son's mouth was followed by a tremendous hacking cough that caused every fiber of Thane's being to cringe.

Thane's hands balled into fists, his heart constricting as he turned for the door, "As you wish…" He mumbled before taking his leave.

. . .

Brina sipped her coffee slowly, trying to figure out what to do…the salarian across from her was waiting patiently for a response.

"So…we need to get you to a proper lab is that what you are asking?"

Mordin nodded, "Yes, Cerberus lab useful, filled with everything to assess and dissect collector technology and reaper upgrades…but lacking in in-depth medical scans. Chakwas's equipment not strong enough for accurate readings, vital info needed for a diagnosis of this magnitude."

Brina nodded…if they were going to face the possibility of Kolyat having Kepral's Syndrome, she wanted to be absolutely sure that the diagnosis was correct.

"Where do you suggest we go? Your Clinic?"

Mordin scoffed, "Ridiculous suggestion, ignorant statement…must go to Citadel, home of the Council, therefore highest quality equipment." The salarian nodded to himself, before switching his rapidly blinking gaze on her.

Brina stood, activating her earpiece, "Thane…"

"Siha"

"Meet me in the debriefing room, Mordin needs better equipment…"

"I am already in the elevator."

. . .

I stare at Kolyat through the Med Bay windows…not much is being said…no information is being relayed past the med bay's doors…which means something bad…it always does.

He has a breathing mask on…it is the only thing able to give him enough oxygen at the moment.

Kolyat looks weak…his normally vibrant scales have dimmed significantly, and his eyes hold no spark…not even in anger…it is at this moment that I realize I would give anything for him to offer just one tiny grumpy remark…to complain…to be a grouch like he normally is…even an insult about Ma's character…I wouldn't even hit him for saying it…

He sees me, the little smile he only gets when I am around stretches his lips as he waves me in. Dr. Solus is in the CIC with Ma and Mr. Krios, for what reasons I do not know, but it means I can see Kolyat. I have to restrain myself from running through the Med Bay doors.

"Ev…lin…" He croaks and I freeze in place, "It's…o…kay…" He gestures for me to come closer.

"Hello Kolyat…" I whisper, unsure whether his headache is better or not…

"Y-you…al..right?" He wheezes. I nod, feeling my body begin to tremble. "H-hey…d-on't…wo-rry…" He holds out his hand and I take it. I'm scared…I've never been scared for anyone besides Ma before…it is a strange sensation.

"Wha…what's going on…out there?" His eyes are filled with fear…

"I think we are heading to the Citadel…Ma says Dr. Solus needs better equipment to find out what's making you sick." That was all she had told me, refusing to answer any of my other questions, though I doubt it was out of malicious intent, more likely she didn't know the answers either…I know Mr. Krios is in a bad place mentally, his spirit fractured and broken over the possibility of his son having Kepral's…

"Oh…o-okay…it's nothing serious is it? I'll…I'll be alright?"

I stare into his midnight eyes for what feels like an eternity, "Yes Kolyat…" My voice is thick with unspent emotion; it takes almost all of my strength to keep my tears from spilling, "you will be just fine."

I then silently vow to myself to do everything in my power to make that statement true.

. . .

Brina finished setting the course on the galaxy map…her fingers still felt chilled from the swirling hologram. She rubbed her hands together, trying to warm them, as she approached the elevator.

He was up there…he'd been up there ever since Mordin had voiced the need for better, more accurate equipment. Normally Shepard wouldn't have hesitated in traveling up to the Loft, she usually ran to the elevator, bouncing on her heels in excitement at any opportunity to steal away a few moments with her assassin…but not this time. Brina wished to be going anywhere else but to the Loft.

She stood in front of the two doors to the lift, staring at the call button. Her body felt as if it were made of stone, unwilling to move even a few steps to press a damn button. She had no idea what to say, no idea what to do…there were no words of comfort anywhere near good enough to even bother to voice. If things were indeed so dire she was pretty sure all efforts to keep Thane alive would fail…he'd die on the inside from the news, and then slowly fade away in despair. Tears pricked her eyes as she imagined having to witness that…it would be unbearable.

"Hesitating in front of the elevator is not going to make this problem go away any sooner, Commander."

Brina's head snapped in the direction of Kelly Chambers, the other red head's back was to her, the woman's slim frame bent over her terminal, fingers tapping away at reports of their last few mining escapades.

"What did you say Kelly?" Brina's voice had a hard edge to it. How dare her yeoman comment on this situation! Kelly had no idea what was going on…had no clue the tragedy that was about to occur.

The other woman's body turned slightly towards her, Kelly's round face framed by the soft purple glow of the galaxy map behind her, a small smile crossed her lips…not antagonizing in the slightest, more like…sympathetic, "I didn't say anything Shepard."

Brina stared at the woman for several moments. Kelly looking back, seeming unaffected by her commanding officer's reaction…

Still maintaining eye contact, Brina jammed her fist into the call button of the elevator, the action causing the yeoman's smile to widen ever so slightly.

As Brina entered the loft she couldn't help but smile at the sight that awaited her, remembering happier times. Thane was meditating…

She'd happened upon him doing the same thing on several occasions…all usually ending in laughter and warm embraces, but not this time, her smile faded as she walked further into the room.

His eyes opened; the sorrow in the deep black orbs so intense it took her breath away. She froze in place as he regarded her.

"Siha…"

"I don't want to interrupt…"

"No no, it is fine, I was almost done." He stood from his position on the floor in one fluid motion, turning to her in another.

"Did you need something?" He asked softly, his voice held no inflections…no emotion, it was completely dead and Brina felt her body stiffen in response.

"I…I just…" She swore violently as her hands clenched into fists, Thane needed her to be strong, not falling to pieces like a lost child.

He watched her struggle, not moving to comfort her for once…it left her feeling cold.

Her dark brown eyes searched for his ebony ones and once finding them, she felt her own flare a bright red, "Are you still awake?"

That question threw him momentarily, a little bit of life sparking behind his eyes as his expression changed to one of confusion, "Pardon?"

Brina moved towards him, crossing her arms as she stood at the top of the stares, looking down at him for once, "I asked, are you still awake?"

Realization seemed to dawn on his face, before he drew a deep, shuddering breath, "Yes my Siha…" he responded, his voice shaky, "but just barely…"

Brina closed the distance between them, wrapping him in her arms. She felt his body sag against her momentarily, before his own arms wrapped around her. She almost whimpered at the contact, clenching her jaw to keep the tears at bay.

"You'll let me know if you go back to sleep won't you?" She whispered hoarsely.

She felt his head tilt towards her, before his lips caressed the skin of her neck, "Yes Siha, you will be the first to know…"

. . .

"Mr. Vakarian…"

"Hey there Evlin, how's it going?"

Garrus watched as the girl moved forward, seating herself on the same crate Brina normally occupied.

"How long until we reach the Citadel?" She asked, her voice hitching in strange places.

"I figure we'll be docking in a few hours, why do you ask?"

Evlin's golden eyes moved to meet his ice blue ones, the immediate effect almost hypnotizing to the turian. Evlin's eyes were strange to him, she appeared small and fragile…but his predator instincts kicked in when he made eye contact with her, there was a weird combination of animalistic consciousness…and wisdom he hadn't seen short of looking into the eyes of an Asari. It unnerved him, finding her slightly disturbing…but he never showed it. Evlin had proved time and time again how much of a kind soul she was…and had yet to be of any danger to the rest of the crew, he even found himself enjoying her company…so he shrugged off his unease and tried his best to avoid her direct gaze.

"I simply wish to accompany the away team once we arrive." She pulled her knees up towards her chest, "I wish to watch over Kolyat."

Garrus nodded, turning back to his console and submitting another firing algorithm, "That's up to Shepard I'm afraid, I don't think she would like you leaving the ship."

Evlin nodded, her dark hair covering her face. Her figure seemed to glow in the silk shirt and pants she wore, the color as gold as her eyes. Garrus noted the small stitched design of two Koi fish towards the hem of the tunic, remembering Evlin state how it was her favorite of the clothes Shepard had gotten her.

"Hey, if it helps, I'll put in a good word for your case okay Evie?" He had grown fond of the girl, whom he had started seeing as Shepard's daughter. Evlin had often sat and talked with him in the middle of the night, asking about calibrating the ship. Her curiosity about the inner workings of the Normandy had been entertaining to address, Garrus usually feeling cut off from the rest of the crew in the Main Battery. He enjoyed their talks, and hated seeing her so sad.

A small smile quirked her tiny pink lips as she stood, smoothing her clothes before turning towards the door, "Thank you Mr. Vakarian; that would please me very much."

"Sure thing, hey is everyone alright out there? Still no idea what's wrong with the kid?"

Evlin turned back to him, her expression haunted, "No…there is no more news, Dr. Solus claims we won't know anything more until we get to the Citadel hospital."

Garrus nodded, "Well, when you see Shepard, tell her I'm here if she needs me."

Evlin smiled again, "I shall."

. . .

Brina slouched in the small chair, instantly uncomfortable with her surroundings. She hated hospitals…hated the smell…the atmosphere…the lack of color…_Why the hell can't someone put up a painting or something? Does EVERYTHING have to be white and chrome?_

She fiddled with the Arashu medallion Thane had given her. She didn't wear it often…but she needed the Goddess at the moment, feeling foolish for putting so much worth in a trinket, but willing to wear it if it helped in any way…and somehow, fiddling with the silver disk managed to calm her somewhat.

A blue hand fell on her shoulder, the touch instantly calming, "I brought you coffee, Commander…"

Brina looked up into Samara's fathomless blue eyes, seeming to hold all the knowledge the galaxy could offer, "Thank you…I appreciate it."

"You are burdened with so much, and your lover is understandably vacant, I figured _someone_ had to look after you, you are trouble when left alone." She said with a slight smirk.

Brina smiled into her cup at the parental tone in Samara's voice. The Justicar was a force to be reckoned with, unleashing torrents upon torrents of wrath for the slightest injustice…but every once in awhile she surprised the commander, showing that she was once indeed a mother.

Brina examined the waiting room they were in as she sipped the warm liquid. The furnishings were scarce, though Brina imagined the Asari knew that not many would be examining the furniture and decorations…the purpose here was to wait for news of loved ones…therefore only the barest accommodations had been used. Amidst the many small chairs and side tables, there would be a private terminal…ready and waiting for anyone needing distraction, or release from reality. Though the room lacked color and vibrancy…the Asari did manage to provide one of the most spectacular views she had ever seen.

Brina stared out the immense floor to ceiling window that expanded the entire left side of the room, giving a massive view of the glory and splendor of the Citadel's arms. Tiny, microscopic ships fluttered past like butterflies; the many flashing lights and stars a welcome escape from the dreariness of the room. Brina looked down to the floor, wondering how many individuals had paced the length of this window, periodically glancing out towards the heavens, questioning their Gods for being so cruel…

"How did you handle losing your children?" the question fell from her lips without warning. Brina stiffened in her seat with the fear that she'd overstepped her boundaries. Samara was a comrade in arms yes, but Shepard was nowhere near close enough to the asari to voice that kind of question and expect answers.

Samara noticed her immediate discomfort, "Be at peace Commander, I am always willing to answer any and all questions you have…" She drew her legs up under her, to where she was sitting almost Indian style in her seat, the pose similar to how she meditated in the observatory aboard the Normandy. She stared out at the stars, a sad smile crossing her violet hued lips.

"It was difficult to absorb at first…Ardat-Yakshi are so rare you see, I went through a slight stage of denial upon hearing the news…I remember inwardly scoffing at the doctor as she droned on and on at me, telling me of what was to come. I figured her to be an amateur physician, obviously not well versed in her field." Her eyes slid closed, the smile fading, "It was only when Morinth ran…that the full gravity of the situation hit me."

Brina leaned forward, coffee forgotten on one of the side tables; hanging on the Justicar's every word. Samara sighed, both sadness and despair flowing out of her, "There is no real way to prepare for tragedies like that Shepard, Thane is a strong man…I am sure he will pull through should the worst be confirmed." She looked up, her gaze intense upon the human woman across from her, Shepard felt as if Samara was gazing into her very soul.

Her sudden smile was dazzling, Brina feeling her lips mirror the gesture of their own accord.

"Fear not Commander, you will not lose Thane Krios to this…I am sure he will pull through and though he may mourn for quite a time…he has something now that he didn't have before in the face of such tragedy…"

Brina's eyebrows shot into her hairline, "What?"

Samara gave a low laugh, the sound erasing all tension from Shepard's shoulders, "You."

Brina didn't know how to respond, her body began to return to normal, her veins melting as her smile widened at what Samara had said. She would see Thane through this…he wouldn't fall back into battle sleep, not if she had anything to say about it.

The doors across the room hissed open, Mordin Solus entering, "Time for results, figured you would like to be there…also, Thane requesting for you, will not listen until you are there."

Brina felt the tingling warmth in her chest, loving how much Thane loved her. She turned to Samara, "Why don't you go find Garrus and Evie? I think Zaeed was going to try to get her some shoes that she'll actually wear…" Brina had known it was a desperate attempt to distract the girl, Garrus maintaining light banter with Evlin over her distaste for shoes. Shepard owed them both far more than she could ever repay.

"I had wondered whether she would react favorably to asari footwear, I shall seek them out."

Brina watched the Justicar stand, bringing up her Omni Tool as she moved towards the exits, "Samara?" she called.

"Yes Shepard?"

Brina gave her a warm smile, bowing slightly, "Thank you…for everything."

Samara returned the bow, her eyes bright and her smile wide, "I am glad I was helpful."

Brina turned back to Mordin, patting the salarian on the shoulder, "Well…let's hear it, how bad is it?"

. . .

I glare at the floor, I shall never change my mind…they cannot make me.

"Evlin, you need to wear shoes…do you know how many ways you can injure your feet on the Normandy's floors? They're metal, and can cut your flesh to ribbons if you step wrong."

"No."

"Evie…"

"I said no, Mr. Vakarian…" I continue to glare at the box placed before my feet, shoes are vile…uncomfortable…but most importantly, they are hard to run in. The only thing that kept me alive on the run was my feet and I will never willingly restrain them. Not even Justicar Samara can persuade me otherwise.

"I do not think the child will change her mind Garrus, I suggest you let the matter rest." Justicar Samara gives me a kind smile and a pat on the head before standing, gathering several boxes and moving to place them back on their respective shelves.

"Damn it little girl, why the hell won't you listen to us?" I smile at the frustration evident in Mr. Massani's voice. He is a gruff old man, and I am quite fond of him…though his thirst for vengeance is quite unsettling.

"I reserve my right to wear whatever I want, and to _not_ wear whatever I want." I retort.

Mr. Vakarian chuckles at this, picking up boxes along with Justicar Samara. They have pushed hundreds of shoes in front of me, and are now paying the price for their stubbornness…I shall not help them, for they deserve no pity in this matter.

"She's got you there Zaeed…"

"Fine…fine, fuck it, when you cut your damn foot open and need stitches _I'll_ _reserve_ the right to laugh at you through the med bay windows." He moves towards the men's section, claiming to get a specific type of cleaner for his boots.

"We'll be right back Evlin, stay here." Garrus murmurs in my direction, following Justicar Samara towards the shoe racks in the back of the store.

I content myself with sitting on my little stool and staring at the ceiling. It is painted to match Asari space…the stars and colors swirling about the light fixtures in a most intriguing way. I find it dizzying…

A hand clamps down on my shoulder, the gesture not gentle in the slightest; I am paralyzed by the force of the grip.

"Utter so much as a syllable…and I'll end you right here." The voice…it is rough…filled with phlegm and gravel…the sound all too familiar. I feel my bones freeze me in place, I couldn't move now even if I wanted to.

"We've missed you maggot…remember when you used to live with us?" The batarian is somewhat familiar, and I recognize his voice.

"You were the one they called Jax…" I whisper, barely able to choke out the words.

His grip tightens, my body flinching momentarily by reflex, "I told you to shut it maggot!" He growls in my ear.

"Now you are going to stand up, walk out with me, and pretend like nothing is wrong, or my boys inside the hospital will make sure the drell kid doesn't wake up."

His hand lifts me off my feet, and I dangle over the carpet for several seconds. My shoulder screams in pain, but I have already begun to shut down…Evlin is leaving…

He drags me out of the store, my feet barely allowed to touch the ground as his knife digs into my lower back, the serrated edge pierces into my spine but still I make no sound. I do not even bother to struggle for it would be a futile effort resulting only in more pain on my end.

When we reach the docking bay his fist slams into my gut…it feels as if his nails have punctured my belly…all the air whooshes out of my lungs.

"Welcome home" He sings before a grimy sack is pulled over my head.

I disconnect…Evlin has left…no more…I am an animal…who is Evie? She's not here anymore…I am gone…gone gone gone…no more girl…she is just…gone.

. . .

Brina let out a choked laugh, "Flu? You mean to tell me we've been freaking out, thinking he's gonna die and all the kid has is a bad case of the _Flu_?"

Mordin shook his head, "No…not simply Flu, Flu is how it began…drell physiology similar to human…but not the same, virus mutated…became something new, unnamed, unknown elements involved, lucky to get young drell here so quickly…without proper medication would have most likely died."

Brina instantly sobered, "He'll be alright won't he?"

Mordin nodded, pacing about the med table which Kolyat lay upon, "Yes yes, administered new antibiotics…should improve within the hour."

She turned to the elder drell behind her, a huge smile on her face, "Thay Lord…" She murmured.

Thane smiled down at her, kissing her forehead before clasping his hands and bowing his head in prayer. Brina heard Kalihira's name as much as Arashu's amid his whispers. She felt the medallion under her shirt, silently thanking the drell gods along with Thane.

Once he was finished with his prayer, Thane sat in one of the chairs farthest from the bed, pulling her into his lap as he did so. Shepard hummed appreciatively as she snuggled into him, her smile widening as he tucked her head under his chin. Mordin informed them that they would be able to leave in three hours…once Kolyat had woken, and the rest of the fluid had been drained from his lungs, before the salarian left them alone.

. . .

Kolyat opened his eyes, instantly regretting the action. He groaned at the brightness of the room's lights.

"Kolyat…" Kolyat was slightly disoriented…feeling the warm blankets over him, and his father's voice…_Am I home?_

"Wakey wakey kiddo, you've been asleep for ages…lucky bastard."

He felt his upper lip curl into a sneer as his delusion was cleared by Shepard's voice.

"Father?"

He felt a warm hand land on his shoulder, a light squeeze applied before Thane responded, "I am here Kolyat…"

He opened his eyes, slowly this time, allowing them to adjust to the harsh glare, "What's going on?"

"Well, as far as we can tell, you got the flu from one of the crew members and it mutated, mimicking the beginning symptoms of Kepral's Syndrome…which terrified the hell outta your dad and I, so we high tailed it to the Citadel, and Mordin worked his magic with some antibiotics so you're good to go now I reckon…" He looked to Shepard, finding a tremendous amount of relief in her eyes as she looked at him. _Shepard was worried about me?_

"I thank the Gods we got you here in time…" Thane murmured, his hand squeezing Kolyat's shoulder harder, trying to convey the depth of his relief.

"Thanks for taking me…" He mumbled to Shepard.

"Anytime kid…anytime." Shepard's voice was hoarse and unsteady, Kolyat wondered why the hell she cared…with him out of the picture she'd have had more time with his father…

"Can you stand? Are you ready to leave?"

Kolyat nodded, sitting up gingerly, shrugging into his vest and jacket as he stood.

"Where's Evlin?" He asked.

"Well, she should be out in the waiting room with Garrus and everyone else that came along; unless they're still out shopping…she needed a distraction."

Kolyat smiled at his boots, "Good…I'm glad she wasn't left alone."

Thane and Brina exchanged smiles over the boy's head as they left, heading out into the waiting room.

It was empty…

"Where the hell is everyone?" Shepard stated as she brought up her Omni Tool.

Kolyat scanned the room, looking for dark hair and golden eyes…

He spotted a figure seated as close to the exit as possible, "Evlin?"

Dark hair fell back against pale shoulders, but instead of rich gold orbs he found himself facing ocean blue…

"Kolyat…it is good to see you're alright…" Oriana Lawson stood, straightening her skirt as she sauntered towards him. It was like she was appearing out of a vision…a ghost of his past. It had been so long since he'd seen her last…

"Ori…what are you doing here?" He made sure to keep his voice neutral, she had hurt him deeply…and he wasn't about to forgive her.

Her expression showed surprise at his open hostility, "I heard you were sick…Miranda has Bailey ping me whenever the Normandy docks here…so I can message her." Her perfect blue eyes shone against the pale skin of her face, her perfect lips pushing out into a pout, "I was worried about you…"

Kolyat decided to set his issues with that statement aside for the moment, "Whatever, have you seen a girl with long dark hair, and…I think she was wearing gold colored clothes?"

Oriana's pout turned into a frown, "No…I haven't seen anyone other than my sister until now." Her expression returned to a pleasant one as she moved closer, taking his hand, "I missed you Kole…why don't we go somewhere private so we can talk?"

Kolyat shoved her hand away, moving back towards his father and Shepard, "Dad…where is she?"

Thane turned to him, his expression worried, "We don't know ye-"

"SHEPARD!" Garrus Vakarian stumbled into the waiting room, leaning against a chair to catch his breath as Zaeed and Samara followed close behind.

"What's going on, where is Evlin?" Brina demanded.

"Who is Evlin?" Oriana asked, suddenly right behind Kolyat. He ignored her question as he listened to Garrus's answer.

"She's gone…we only left her for a minute while we put stuff up…when we came back she had disappeared…" Garrus panted, clutching his side, "We asked the store owner, and when she pulled up the security footage…" Garrus's eyes filled with sorrow, his mandibles snapping tight to his face, "A batarian grabbed her and dragged her out the exit…we've looked everywhere…but I think she was taken onto a ship…a ship that isn't docked anymore…"

Thane watched Brina stiffen, her eyes glaring a vibrant, almost pulsing red as if the irises were aflame…this time he could even see tiny orange veins glowing underneath the pale flesh of her face as she sprinted for the door screaming, "Get to the Normandy…NOW!"

**AN2: I promise to do my best to not leave yall hangin for too long...I already have the next chapter planned out this time, I just gotta write it, so hang in there folks!**


	11. These wounds won't fade

The sounds of a chain rattling through the air before smacking into flesh reverberated off the stone walls.

"She doesn't seem to feel it…"

Jax sighed, "That's because you aren't doing it right."

He stared from his seat down at the slim figure kneeling before him. She hadn't changed…still just as stoic now as she was before the raid on Torfan. He wanted her to bleed…wanted her to feel as miserable as he had upon returning to find his entire family slaughtered…he planned on holding her as long as possible…then leave her for Shepard to find, broken and beaten before he went after the N-7 bitch for good.

Golden eyes gleamed murderously up at him through a curtain of dark hair, lips pulled back to bare many white teeth. She hissed at him as they made eye contact.

Jax smiled at the hostility, remembering…

"If only we had some slaves…" he murmured, "you men would get a real treat; I used to love watching her fight…"

The chain whipped around again, slashing her back open once more, though the girl's reaction was nonexistent. It was like they were hitting her with foam.

Jax stood, growling at his incompetent henchmen, "Give it to me…I'll show you how it's done."

He stood behind her, gathering the chain in his fist, wary of the many spikes, before flicking it forward with a snap of his wrist. The chain moved like lightning against bare skin, Jax getting just the reaction he wanted.

She made no sound, but he saw her shoulder blades twitch, her hands clench into fists and her toes curl…her breathing sped up ever so slightly.

"See?" He said as he whipped her again, "It's all in the wrist…"

. . .

"Joker! Disengage, we're going to Torfan!"

"He-ey alright, what the hell for?" Joker's tone was playful, if slightly confused as he turned in his seat. Upon seeing Brina's face he jumped and began to hurriedly set in the coordinates, "Sure thing Commander…"

Brina moved through the CIC, her pace near that of a run as she stormed towards the debriefing room. She jerked as a scaled hand pulled her back.

"Thane, I'm a bit busy now…" She growled as he pulled her close to him, stepping aside as the rest of the team from the Citadel passed by.

"I am aware Siha; I care for her too…" He tilted her chin up, "why Torfan?"

"I'll explain in the debriefing room okay? I'll meet you in there…I gotta alert the rest of the squad."

Thane nodded, before kissing her forehead and moving towards the armory.

Brina felt a slight pull gravity wise as the Normandy took off, smiling at how efficiently Joker operated, no other pilot could hold a candle next to Jeff Mureau.

Turning she came face to face with Kolyat…and Oriana.

"Excuse me but what the hell are you doing on my ship?" Brina would normally have been a bit more civil, but she was a tad stressed.

Oriana Lawson examined her surroundings with a vaguely bored expression, "I just followed everyone…I was curious." She waved a hand in the air, as if this whole situation was beneath her.

Brina groaned, realizing they didn't have time to turn back and drop her off; Joker was already at the Mass Relay.

"Miranda is going to kill me…" She growled before glaring at the two, "Alright, Oriana? You and Kolyat go down to the mess and wait for me there, we'll figure out what to do with you after the meeting."

Kolyat stepped forward, "If you think for one second I'm just going to stand aside and watch, you are fucking insane!" he growled menacingly.

Brina was thrown momentarily by how much he looked like his father in that moment, before her eyes hardened and she got right in his face, "You are a toddler, no…an _infant_ in matters such as this. Do you even have any kind of combat training? If you want Evlin to be saved you will _need_ to step aside. I've already lost one child today, and with any luck we'll get her back, but I am _not_ losing you too."

Kolyat stepped back, having never seen Brina with her full cybernetic gaze. The woman growled slightly in Oriana's direction before storming off to the debriefing room, giving the AI orders along the way.

"The Commander is _certainly_ a charming individual…" He heard Oriana giggle. He felt his shoulder blades twitch in irritation, had she always been that annoying?

"Why did you come along?" He finally asked as he led her to the elevator, selecting level three as they entered.

"I really was just curious…"

"So that's it?"

"Well, and I wanted to talk to you…" She wrapped her arms around his waist, laying her head on his shoulder. He stiffened at the gesture, realizing her height was wrong and she didn't smell right. She wasn't Evlin…

"I really have missed you Kole…"

Kolyat had to stifle the growl that rose in his throat. He sooo did not need this right now, his heart constricted as he thought of what the batarians might be doing to Evlin…he'd seen her scars…he knew what they were capable of.

Shrugging out of Oriana's hold he exited the elevator once it reached the crew deck.

"What is going on Kole? You don't seem pleased to see me…"

"Hello? Have you not been listening to what's going on?" He couldn't believe her apathy…

Oriana's brow furrowed, irritation flaring in her eyes, "Yes…Evlin, who is she by the way?"

_Someone a thousand times more worthy of my attention right now than you…_ Kolyat actually came to a halt as that bitter thought ran through his head. How often had he thought of Oriana? How often had he pined for her after she broke his heart? When did he go from aching to hear that she missed him, to barely being able to tolerate her presence?

"She's a friend…" He murmured.

"Just what kind of _friend_ is she?"

Kolyat snapped at that, "Exactly why do you care Ori?" he hissed.

Her ocean eyes widened as she took a step back, "Jeez Kole, you don't have to get so touchy…"

"If my memory is correct…and you know it is…weren't you the one that wanted to end things?"

Oriana nodded as she slid into a seat at the dining table nearest the kitchen area, "Yes, but that was before Aiden became a jerk…"

Aiden…Kolyat grit his teeth at the name... The bastard had seen Oriana for weeks before the break up, knowing full well she was still attached to Kolyat…he recalled the tiny little victory smirk the puny human had given him as she had walked away.

"What happened?" Kolyat reluctantly sat across from her, he wanted more than anything to be alone…to process what was going on, and try to figure out how to help Evlin. He felt breathing get difficult as he thought of her again. He focused his attention back on Oriana.

Oriana moved to respond when the elevator doors hissed open again.

"ORI!" Miranda Lawson stormed towards them, Kolyat feeling a small twinge of fear at the sight. Miranda had not been pleased with his dating her sister.

"Now Miri…"

"No! This time you just listen…" Miranda loomed over her younger sister, or more appropriately her younger clone…

"What the hell were you thinking coming onboard this ship? You know you can't be here, it's too dangerous!" As Kolyat watched them he suddenly realized just how much Oriana was beginning to look like her sister. She'd grown her hair out, her clothes were tighter, and she had begun to wear heels while they had dated.

Oriana stood, "I didn't realize we were taking off Miri, until it was too late okay? I'm sorry…I wouldn't have followed if I'd known."

Miranda scowled at her younger self, not believing Oriana would be so stupid for an instant. More likely the girl wanted to be there, wanted to follow her sister…Oriana had once asked for that, but Miranda had turned her down. Oriana apparently decided to go for it anyway.

Sighing heavily, bringing her finger tips to her temples, Miranda issued her orders, "We are heading to a batarian slaver base on the planet Torfan…while we are there you are to stay confined to my office. Do not look out the windows; do not leave the room, you will be on complete lockdown do you understand?"

Oriana nodded, slipping back into her seat. Kolyat wanted to slap the small satisfied grin right off her face, but restrained himself.

Brina appeared around the corner, crossing her arms as she stared them both down.

"Are there gonna be issues between yall? Last I checked you two didn't part ways on good terms…"

Oriana smiled, lacing her hands together atop the table, "Do not worry Commander, we are taking care of that…" She winked at Kolyat, causing him to clench his teeth in response.

Brina leaned towards him, grabbing his collar as she jerked him out of his chair, "Kolyat…we need to talk."

She shoved him into Life Support, waiting until the doors had closed on Oriana's slightly surprised face before speaking.

"What the hell are you playing at boy?"

"And what the hell are you doing getting involved in my personal business?"

Brina stepped closer to him, "Evlin…is my business." She growled. Kolyat stiffened.

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't play stupid with me, I've seen yall together. Now what is going on with Oriana?"

"As I've stated before _Commander_ that is none of your business." Kolyat crossed his arms, staring back defiantly, his tall slim frame highlighted by the view of the drive core behind him.

Brina closed her eyes, "I'm honestly not trying to upset you, or get involved where I shouldn't…and if circumstances were different and Evie was a normal girl I wouldn't say anything to you, but she's not." She stepped closer to the young drell, "Whether or not you intended this…she cares about you, I've seen the looks, the tiny smiles…she even cried for you."

Kolyat's eyes widened, "She…what?"

"She has told me before that she only cries for me now…that Torfan numbed her to almost everything else, but when she is around me she feels again…she cried for you when you were ill, which speaks volumes to me even if it doesn't really mean much to you."

Kolyat didn't know how to respond to that. _Evlin…cares…for me?_ He had begun to feel things for her yes…but had never expected it to go anywhere. He was through with women…he thought…

Brina saw his confused expression, "Kolyat, I don't know what exactly her feelings toward you are…but I know that she does feel something for you, and I see you mirror those emotions. I'm not trying to butt in where it is none of my concern, I only ask that you consider her feelings before you return to Oriana's arms."

Kolyat heard Brina leave…but continued to stare out at the drive core. It all made sense…the quiet moments with her where he felt warm and even somewhat happy…the moments where they would just fall into silence and stare at each other for far longer than was normal…and now his newfound disgust and even indifference to Oriana…Evlin had managed to find a way to his heart even when he had taken great measure to close it off. She'd blindsided him…

And now she was gone… Anger and fear warred for dominance in his mind as his hands balled into fists at his sides. He had no intention of just waiting when they arrived, he would fight.

Glancing at his father's weapon rack he picked up one of the sniper rifles, it was heavy…but not unbearably so. He pressed the buttons that extended the rifle to its full capacity, realizing it was almost as long as he was tall. Again the weight was an issue, but he felt that with some practice he could eventually get the hang of it.

"Kolyat…" He turned in surprise at his father's tone. It was a mixture of shock and apprehension.

He looked down at the weapon, then back up at his father. The best assassin in the galaxy…

"How long until we reach Torfan?"

Thane, eyes never leaving the gun, responded, "Moving as fast as possible it will still take a number of days, though I am not the pilot so the exact time is lost to me."

Kolyat retracted the gun until it was back to the length of his forearm and stepped towards his father, "Teach me how to use this…"

. . .

I am cold…

Nothing has changed…the stone walls are the same, the company is the same, everything feels exactly the same…

But I am different.

Jax…the loudest…I wish to rip his spleen out of his gut with my bare hands, to reach into his chest and pull out the rotting refuse he calls a heart and make him watch me as I eat it.

Before I was submissive…I knew not of defiance for I was taken far too young…not now, and especially not with his henchmen. They are cattle for the slaughter…and they better pray I never get free.

My body has become a toy…an object…a _thing_ to be used for their amusement. I was far too little before to satiate their hunger for flesh…but now I have a woman's body, and they revel in their new torture.

I do not feel…I do not care…I am nothing. There is no form of conscience in my brain, no other thoughts besides who I wish to kill and how to make it through the next few hours. I monitor my condition by how bored they become.

I would have stopped eating days ago…but they force me. Syringes and IV bags and countless other medical procedures that leave my flesh screaming in agony, my veins crying for mercy, though they do not see it. My one act of total and complete defiance that they cannot take from me is my silence. Jax knows how to tell when I am in pain, but the others know not…and even now I am slowly learning to shut off even the slight hints of my discomfort…except for…

I dare not dwell on the evil they have done to my body…the taint that they have allowed to enter me…I have lost count of the times…but I remember when I was first subjected to Jax's men…it was the only time they themselves were able to get me to scream and shriek of my misery…

It's easier now though…

I hear the heavy thuds of boots echo down the stone hall towards my cell…they are coming…

All hope of rescue…there is no hope…I will not entertain such thoughts…

"Evening _maggot…_"

I am already dead…

. . .

Oriana Lawson paced in her sister's office. She wished to speak with Kolyat, had been hoping ever since setting foot on the ship, that she could talk with him. But he was now unavailable, though she got the distinct impression she was being avoided…and that just wouldn't do. She would not be ignored.

She had no idea who the girl everyone was talking about was, she didn't even know why they were so desperate to see her back. It was a constant annoyance to Oriana, having to wade through the immediate gossip of dear 'Evlin's' condition before she could even speak of her own problems.

She found Kolyat in the cargo bay, training. It had been five days since they had set off for Torfan…and Kolyat had flourished. She had no idea what drove him, what was so important about this girl that made him attack his lessons with such ferocity…but she aimed to find out, and if it was for the reasons she suspected, she was going to put a stop to it.

He dropped from the pull up bar, moving towards the combat drones. His father had keyed in appropriate settings on all of them for his level of combat expertise. Oriana leaned against the railing as she watched him spar with the drones below.

He was just as gorgeous as the day she had met him, dark blue scales rippling over barely toned muscle. He was not as muscular as his father, whose body reflected his life's training…but Kolyat's figure held a very lithe and athletic build. He himself was not a warrior of any kind, but he was no stranger to exercise. She remembered he used to run in the mornings, always returning from his morning jog just as she was waking up.

A small smile stretched her lips as she recalled what it had been like to live with him; how he had fawned over her…making sure she never wanted for anything. He had always been available. Then along came Aiden…

Aiden had been wild, reckless…and exciting. Where Kolyat was stable, Aiden was chaos. Oriana couldn't help but be pulled into his affections…she had thought it a fling, merely a passing fancy that she would only need to enjoy once before she was sated and content to return to Kolyat's bed. In the end though she had thought it a sign that the drell and herself were not meant to be, so she had cut him loose, finding entertainment and passion in her new lover's arms.

What a fool she'd been…

It took her a moment to realize Kolyat had noticed she was there and was talking to her.

"I'm sorry?" She murmured, shaking her head slightly as she came out of her musings.

"I said…what do you want?" His tone was measured, stiff and abrupt. He did not wish to speak to her anymore than was necessary… She had forgotten how bitter he could become; when Kolyat cut you off…it was hard to find a substance that could be colder…

"I think we should talk…we _need_ to talk." She moved down the stairs, stopping once she was in front of him.

His inner eyelids flickered in irritation as she saw his jaw clench, "Oriana…it's over, there's nothing to talk about." He turned from her then, beginning to clean up the training equipment he had been using.

Oriana was silent for several moments, "You can't be serious…"

"Really? I think I can…and I am…dead serious Ori."

She felt a small laugh bubble up from her throat, he was joking…surely he was joking. She was perfect, beautiful, almost as good looking as her sister…why would any man deny her?

"Glad to see you find it so amusing…" He quipped as he passed her, moving up the stairs.

"Kolyat!" She cried out, feeling strange as she saw his shoulders stiffen and she heard him mumble one of his favorite drell swear words…

"What?" He asked, looking over his shoulder.

"Can I ask why?" Perhaps he still desired her; it was just an outside force that stopped them from being together.

"Why do you care Ori? I'm not going to be your back up boyfriend, you can't just continue to use me until another more exciting guy comes along…I don't deserve that, and you are cruel to expect me to just run back to you. You put me through hell Oriana…and I've had it." He paused for a moment, staring her down, "That should be reason enough for now."

She watched him leave, glaring down at her before the elevator doors closed between them.

Oriana Lawson was silent for a long time…she didn't move, she was paralyzed…an unknown emotion swept over her and it disturbed her to the core…

Oriana Lawson had never suffered rejection before.

. . .

Brina approached father and son on the training mats, "Hello boys…"

Thane blocked a kick from his son, reaching out to grasp the boy's outstretched ankle and yanking Kolyat to the ground. Straightening she watched him straighten his clothes before approaching her, a soft smile crossing his face as he regarded her. She wore nothing but a sports bra and loose drawstring pants and he was obviously appreciating the view.

"Siha" He murmured, bowing slightly.

Brina felt her face flush, as it always did when she was around him…the jerk knew it too and she couldn't quite tell, but she was sure his smile turned just a tad smug as she looked on towards Kolyat. The younger drell was standing, bending down to massage his ankle as he swore under his breath.

"I trust things are going well? How's junior progressing?"

Thane glanced over his shoulder, "He has improved greatly from when we first started, I would still suggest that you keep him towards the back of our assault team…he is not that skilled at close combat, though he is proving truly gifted at sniping."

Brina smirked, "Not surprising considering who his father is…"

Thane had never been one to brag of his skills, and even when Garrus was flat out determined to get a rise out of him he rarely took the turian's bait. But she couldn't help but notice the somewhat prideful glint in his eyes, nor the smug grin that stretched his lips as he accepted her compliment. She felt his arm slide around her waist, his hand splaying across her bare belly causing her to shiver slightly.

Kolyat groaned as he moved towards them, "If this is 'play kissy face while Kolyat gets his ass kicked by drones' time I'm out, unless you think it would give me an edge to puke on the batarians…"

Thane's eye ridges drew together and he opened his mouth to scold, but Brina's laughter stopped him. She doubled over, leaning heavily against his side.

"Oh Gods…Kid, I swear…I could tolerate your obvious hatred of me and my attachment to Thane as long as you kept it snarky and sarcastic."

Kolyat grit his teeth, but he couldn't stop the slight smile that crossed his face. _What the hell is WRONG with me? I'm going soft…damn it._

Brina nodded towards him, her expression going back to the stoic 'commander' look, "Alright, Kolyat…we should be pulling up to the base tomorrow…you will need to meet everyone who is going out there in the debriefing room as soon as we land do you understand? Also, sleep…I have EDI monitor everyone's sleep patterns before missions and if you get less than four hours in you ain't going and I don't care what you have to say about it."

Kolyat nodded, pushing his dislike of her aside so he could help Evlin.

"Another thing to remember, we are trained professionals…the best the galaxy has to offer in almost every field combat wise…" She leaned forward, gripping his collar and pulling him down to her level, "So when I tell you to move, you move…if someone says duck you duck behind cover, if I say get your ass back to the ship…you get your scaly blue ass back here with no questions asked, got it?" She growled. Kolyat was defiant in most things…he questioned almost any command directed at him, and Brina was not going to let that kill him. He needed to understand…

"Out there my word is God…and you do not question the will of Gods do you Kolyat?" Her eyes glowed red, he could see the lenses retract and extend as the irises took in his face.

He shook his head, shuddering slightly as she released him, "I got it…" He murmured hoarsely.

"Good, now come on up, it's time for dinner and then it's off to bed with everyone."

He watched her leave, feeling his father's hand on his shoulder once she disappeared completely.

"There is a reason I call her Siha…"

. . .

The combat suit was heavy. Dark black and midnight blue his leathers appeared similar to his father's, his jacket and vest now holding armor plating, his boots somewhat sturdier than his original pair. His shoulders no longer ached at the weight of the guns on his back, and he felt strong. He felt ready…

He was with everyone in the debriefing room, all the squad members that were going to Torfan.

Garrus and his father stood off to one side, the closest ones to Shepard. Samara, the Justicar, leaned against the far back wall, analyzing everyone. The doors behind him slid open, and everyone turned towards Jack…their expressions surprised.

The biotic glared at the rest of the room, her massive shotgun clutched tightly in her grip as she stepped forward.

"What the fuck is everyone staring at?" She growled.

Brina smiled, "Nothing Jack, we just didn't expect to see you here…"

Jack narrowed her eyes to slits as she examined her Commander's knowing expression, "Look, I like her okay? She doesn't bother the hell out of me like the rest of you do. Fuckin idiots…" She grumbled as she leaned against the table.

Zaeed laughed at the biotic from his place in the corner, his laughter increasing as she punched him in the shoulder.

Miranda had decided to stay behind, better to make sure her sister was safe. Jacob was helping set up the Med Bay for Evlin's return…Mordin and Chakwas preparing as well. The rest of the squad planned on hanging back unless called, all of them ready and waiting to join the fray at a moment's notice.

Kolyat's stoic appearance almost faded as he saw a geth move close to Shepard from the back of the room, it leaned towards her…it's headlight blinking while the plates surrounding it shifted…_She has a geth? Really?_ He hadn't seen it around the ship the entire time he had been on the Normandy… and that had been for several months now…where had it come from? Kolyat realized that the robot didn't need food or company or any kind of socialization that organics did…it probably just spent it's time down in engineering or wherever Shepard had put it…He recalled that Shepard usually finished her rounds by entering the AI's core…spending several moments back there doing Gods knew what…that was probably who she was speaking with…

"Alright, everyone here?" Shepard crossed her arms as she examined her crew. They all stared back, nodding to show they were listening.

"Torfan is gonna be a bitch to move through, you should all prepare for that right now. I don't remember much of the layout except that the front of the base is like most bases we've infiltrated…chrome and bullet and grenade proof glass mixed in with metal doors almost impossible to hack, hence why we have Legion here."

The geth now known to Kolyat as Legion straightened his posture, "We are ready to assist Shepard-Commander."

"Thanks Legion, your help is appreciated." Brina smiled at the synthetic before turning back to the rest of the group, "Now that's the front of the base, which is a pretty small looking building on the surface…that is because the majority of Torfan is underground, the walls and floors are made of stone…why? I have no idea…maybe the contractors felt a bit nostalgic, but in the end who the fuck cares? All you need to know is that it's going to screw with our comm. units and radio feed so if anyone gets separated Mordin has made what he is calling 'panic buttons' and attached them all to your armor, around the inside of your collars I think…you must press them for more than ten seconds before they get set off…" Her gaze turned solely on Kolyat, "_Anyone_, no matter the circumstance…if you get separated I don't care if you think you know where you are you press that damn button."

There was a chorus of 'Aye Commanders' from the group. Kolyat watched her straighten, her dark eyes flashing red as she glared at the table, soon he could see a spider web design of orange veins glow underneath the pale flesh of her face…when she next spoke her voice was rough, almost a growl.

"Other than that kill every batarian bastard you find…I don't care for survivors here. The goal is to bring our girl home…and I intend to do just that no matter what. Whether she arrives in my arms or in a body bag, Evie _will_ be brought home."

Thane watched her, feeling worry and sadness clench his heart. He stepped closer, "Siha I feel it is my turn to ask…" He whispered in her ear, "Are you awake?"

He felt her body stiffen as she took in a shuddering breath, "To quote your earlier words…yes, barely." Her eyes slid closed as he leaned in to press a soft kiss to her neck, right below her ear lobe.

"We will find her, do not doubt that." He murmured his confidence somewhat reassuring as he moved to follow the rest out of the debriefing room.

"Yes…" Brina whispered to herself once she was alone, "but in what state?"

. . .

Kolyat glared out the shuttle's window as they landed, feeling tension and a small amount of fear shiver down his spine. He was on edge…he'd never killed before. He shrugged off the uncertainty…shocked at the realization that he was _willing_ to kill many to get to Evlin.

"Kolyat" He heard Shepard move through the group until she was standing next to him, "Evlin won't be here." She murmured, her breath fogging up a section of the glass.

"What do you mean? Then why are we here?"

"Shhh, listen…it took months to get her to speak once I originally found her, a year more to get to where she was able to socialize with anyone. She was raised as an animal…and her mind often splits and fractures between what she was then and her humanity now. Her control when she was with us was nothing short of a miracle compared to how she used to be." Brina's eyes got a haunted look in them that made Kolyat want to cringe.

"I fear the fact that she has been here for longer than a week means we aren't going to find Evlin…we're going to face something darker." She turned to him, laying a hand on his arm. For once he didn't shrug it off, "Kolyat if you come across her, use extreme caution understand? I really doubt she'll recognize any of us."

He felt a pain in his chest that turned the agony Oriana had caused him into a faint echo, "She…she will remember eventually right?"

Brina looked back out the window, squeezing his arm as the shuttle landed, "I hope so Kolyat…I hope so."

. . .

I am bleeding again…every time the wounds in my back begin to close the stone wall I am chained to rips them open again. I feel ill…

As far as I can tell all of my scars have been re-opened, new ones added.

I hear harsh voices in the room across from mine, what they affectionately call "the Lab" It is almost time for my next feeding. I have no idea what time of day it is…I go by the voices and amount of traffic through the lab.

My fingers pull themselves into fists atop my head; my arms held above me by chains…I think this is the same room they kept me in before…

I hiss as the door to my cell opens, and a four eyed demon steps through, "Evening _maggot_" he spits at me.

I growl, snapping my teeth at him as he steps near, before the building erupts with sound.

His eyes grow wide, my IV bag discarded as he runs out of the room, leaving my door unlocked. I pull slightly at my chains, hissing as I realize they are fastened well to the wall…no hope of my getting free as injured as my body is.

Gunfire and explosions rumble from above like thunder, and I feel the walls quiver around me. I curl into myself against the stone; grateful for the small break I have been awarded. I tune out the wail of the alarms, their noise not even a minor irritation as I lean my head against my raised arm.

Perhaps if I am lucky the room will cave in on top of me…

. . .

Kolyat dodged bullets as he moved behind cover, the corridor flooding with sound. He flinched as a knife whizzed past his head, startling when he saw his father catch it between his fingers before launching it towards its owner…the batarian receiving it through his face. The whole time Thane never even cringed, seeming as if it was a simple, mundane task.

"Whoah…" He couldn't help but murmur. He had never seen his father in action before.

Thane tapped his son's shoulder, "Do not get distracted, move onward." He directed.

Shepard flew through her enemies, body flashing blue and white as she threw shockwave after shockwave towards the batarians. Kolyat watched as she made bodies fly through the air, clearing paths for the rest of them to gain better cover and take aim.

He hated her, but he could see why his father cared for her…she appeared to be one of the Gods themselves, the raw power at her fingertips staggering.

Floor by floor they moved through the slave base, looking in almost every room they came across…though none revealed Evlin.

"Where to next Shepard?" Garrus asked over Kolyat's shoulder.

"I'm not sure…things get pretty vague from here…" Brina glanced about the stone walls, trying to get her bearings…everything looked the same and she didn't have an eidetic memory like Thane…

"Where did they keep her before?" Kolyat found himself asking.

Shepard turned to him, "Down in the lower levels, towards the very bottom of the base."

She turned back to the hallways, "Let's move!"

. . .

Jax swore as he made his way to the shuttle. He hadn't expected her this early.

He cursed again as he ran through the base, not caring that his men were dying around him. He managed to get through to the shuttle, taking off as the entranceway exploded into a wall of flame…

. . .

It had been several hours…and still they couldn't find her. Shepard was pretty sure they were on the ground floor.

Kolyat was getting anxious…what if they had decided to kill her once the alarms went off? What if she died from her injuries? How severe would her condition be?

He had killed many batarians…feeling neither pleasure nor guilt. His sniper rifle felt heavy in his hands as he followed everyone.

As Shepard moved forward he caught a flicker of shadow, stopping to pull his rifle up. He took aim, seeing that it was a hidden hallway…carefully constructed to where if you didn't look right at it…it appeared as solid as a wall.

"Shepard…" He turned, finding the group had gone further down the hall.

Shepard had said she was pretty sure they had removed all enemy contacts from the base…and no other sounds of habitants had been heard…Kolyat turned back from the group, he could look down here while the rest searched more rooms, covering more ground…he honestly didn't know why Shepard hadn't had them all split up before…

He passed a small room, glancing inside he felt his stomach clench…instantly wanting to release its contents…

The counters and shelves were covered with tools and equipment that were drenched in blood. An operating table was placed in the center of the room. Several trays that surrounded it held bladed drills soaking in puddles of dark red liquid…Kolyat knowing instantly that it was human blood…Evlin's blood. No one was in the room; there was no body…just puddles and puddles of blood.

"Evlin…" He choked out her name, feeling his throat tighten…

He moved on…finding several more rooms, though these held beds and supplies. Finally he came across what looked like a kitchen turned laboratory… hearing a clinking of metal from the room across as he exited.

It was pitch black, illuminated by a small light fixture near the door…

A low, guttural growl sounded as he stepped inside, causing him to pause.

"Evlin?" He called.

He received a snarl in response.

"Evlin is that you?" He activated the light on his gun, feeling some tension release as the light showed the interior of the room, right before he gasped in horror.

She was chained up against the wall, her arms held above her head as her body sagged against the floor. She was naked, her skin color now a copper hue from the massive amount of blood that coated her body, even her long dark hair was soaked with the dark red fluid.

He examined her body in shock, finding no area of flesh uncut. It was like she had been processed through a shredder…

"Goddess of Oceans…" He moaned as he fell back against the wall.

That caught her attention.

Her head whipped towards his direction. Her lips pulled back, revealing her many white teeth, another growl sounding as she glared at him.

"Evlin…it's me, Kolyat…don't you remember?" He took a step towards her.

She in turn lunged forward, the chains rattling against the stone wall as she snapped at him, struggling against her restraints as her hands clawed at the air in his direction. He watched the metal cuffs dig into her skin, backing away slowly so she wouldn't hurt herself further.

"Evie…" He whispered, wanting more than anything to help her, but not knowing how.

"Get…out…"Her voice was low, guttural…a whispered growl.

"Evlin?"

"Leave" She snarled.

Kolyat lifted the collar of his jacket, pressing the panic button to alert everyone that he'd found her.

"Evlin, we're here to help you…"

She didn't speak again, just lunged forward once more. Kolyat knew he'd have been killed instantly if she hadn't been restrained. His heart fractured at the sight, the more Evlin moved the more her blood spilled onto the floor.

As her body slumped back to the ground he heard her whimper slightly.

"Evlin…" he risked stepping closer to her again.

She mumbled something…the words lost to him.

"I can't hear you Evie, what?"

He leaned in close, seeing her golden eyes, void of any life stare blankly at the ground.

"Kill me…"

He reared back, "What?"

Her golden eyes shifted towards his black ones, it was like a zombie stared out at him, "Kill me…please…" two matching trails of liquid fell down her face from her eyes.

He reached out towards her, flinching as she cringed away, growling at him once more. He heard footsteps run down the hall towards them.

"Oh Evie…" Brina's strangled cry sounded as the Commander entered the room. She pushed Kolyat aside, moving towards the girl who once again began to snarl and snap at them. Kolyat watched Brina approach her, seeing the commander's intent a second before she moved.

Kolyat lunged for her, but Brina was faster, delivering a harsh punch that knocked Evlin clean out. Brina produced a key, likely taken off one of the batarians, and unlocked the restraints.

"What the fuck did you do that for?" He whirled on her.

Brina regarded him with sad eyes, "She's not Evlin right now Kolyat, if I had just let her loose she would have tried to kill everyone. This is safer for us as much as her…" She turned back to the rest of the group, Kolyat seeing Garrus step forward.

"Garrus, could you-"

"Yea, I got her Shepard." The turian stepped forward, picking Evlin up like she was a piece of porcelain about to shatter, cradling her to him as he moved out of the room.

Brina drew in a shaky breath as Thane drew near; wrapping her in his arms though the gesture was slightly awkward in full combat armor.

"We have her body back Siha…"

"I know…but will _she_ come back?"

"It's up to the Gods now…"

. . .

"Severe blood loss, dehydration, obvious mental trauma…she's bleeding internally somewhere, we won't know more until she's scanned. I've got her on a severe sedative, it should knock her out long enough to let us get our work done…we can try to wake her later today if you'd like."

"Thank you Chakwas, I need to think about it, but please keep me informed of her condition."

"Of course Commander…"

Brina turned away from the Med Bay, heading out towards the Mess Hall.

"Hello Shepard."

Brina nodded in response, "Kolyat…"

He regarded the med bay's darkened windows with sadness, "Is she going to be alright?"

Brina sighed heavily as she sat down across from him, "Who knows…health wise Chakwas is confident her condition can be stable again, but mentally…I...I just don't know."

Kolyat nodded in response, his mind elsewhere.

. . .

Their first attempt at waking her did not go well…

Kolyat wished he could erase her screams from his memory, her terror as Mordin had leaned over her, trying to check her vitals…

The next time she just stared blankly at the wall, not moving or talking. She had to be fed through an IV, for she refused all other forms of nutrition.

She remained in a zombie like trance, acknowledging whoever spoke to her but not responding otherwise. Kolyat felt his heart constrict as he remembered her begging him to end her life…

He was sitting in the mess when Shepard next spoke to him. There was something about Evlin that caused him to push aside his hatred long enough to speak with her when necessary…this was the most contact he had had with her ever…

"Kolyat" She called from the med bay, "She's up, would you try talking to her again?"

He walked in, finding Evlin sitting up and staring around the room. His father and Garrus were with Shepard, trying to see if Evlin knew where she was…

"Evlin?" He asked, jumping as she turned at the name.

"Evlin, do you know where you are?"

She cocked her head to the side, examining him as she had when they first met.

He stepped closer, "Evie…"

"NO!" She screamed, leaping off the med table and falling against the wall, "Don't touch me….don't you dare touch me!"

She crumpled to the floor, whimpering and shivering.

"Evie…" Brina cooed, trying to calm her.

"No…no touching…stay back…" Evlin covered her face with her hands.

"Shepard…" Chakwas's voice called from her terminal.

"What is it?"

Chakwas's face was a mask of horror as she pulled up the results of the most recent scan, "I know what they did to her…why no one can touch her…" Brina leaned over, reading the results.

"Why?" Kolyat asked, before Brina swore violently, kicking the side of the med table before bringing her hand to cover her mouth as her eyes filled with tears. His father moved towards her, pulling her into an embrace, stroking her hair as Brina let out a small sob.

Chakwas turned the terminal towards him, showing the results of her recent exams… he stared at the x-ray for a moment…confused.

He realized what area of her body he was looking at…what was bruised and torn and broken…he reared back, hissing.

"They were not gentle…" Chakwas murmured as she looked down at Evlin cowering in the corner.

Kolyat locked gazes with his father, seeing the desire for vengeance mirrored in the elder drell's eyes. Garrus moved towards the doctor to see what everyone was so upset about, but Kolyat had seen enough. He left, punching the wall as he moved out of the med bay, throwing all his anger and sorrow into it, leaving an indent in the metal.

. . .

"Kolyat"

"What?"

Shepard sat across from him at the table in life support, a data pad in her hands.

"Take a look at this…" She handed him the data pad.

_**Shepard,**_

_**You think you've won…well you're wrong. No more games now, I'm coming for you. So be ready Shepard…I don't want your death to be quick and painless, I want you to struggle.**_

_**Give my regards to the maggot,**_

_**Jax**_

Kolyat read and re-read the message, looking up into Brina's glaring red eyes.

"Why are you showing me this?"

"Now that we have our target, we're going hunting, would you like to join us?"

. . .

Oriana had avoided him, mainly staying in her rooms since they returned with Evlin. He knew it wouldn't last long, but Kolyat was going to suck up the solitude while he could.

He stared at the ceiling in life support, the room dark except for the soft glow of the pulsing drive core. He couldn't sleep.

Standing he left Life Support, glad that his father slept in the Loft with Brina…it left him free to roam the ship without being hounded for why he was awake.

Kolyat stopped in front of the med bay, seeing Evlin curled up on one of the tables. The door was unlocked for once, Evlin unable to walk while her bones healed.

He stepped inside, silently pulling up a chair beside her table. He leaned his elbows against the surface, cupping his face in his hands as he stared down at her sleeping face.

For the moment it was free of fear and numbness…she appeared to be at peace…if only she felt that way awake. He wished she would remember; wished he could comfort her without her fearing his touch. Rage flooded his chest as he remembered what they had done to her to make her afraid of any physical contact…

For the first time in ten years, he found himself praying to Arashu…his father would've been proud.

"Arashu, we call upon You in our time of sorrow,  
That You give us the strength and will to bear our heavy  
burdens, until we can again feel the warmth and love of Your  
divine compassion. Be mindful of us and have mercy on us  
while we struggle to comprehend life's hardships. Keep us  
ever in Your watch, until we can walk again with light hearts  
and renewed spirits." _And please…let her come back…I need her to come back…_

He bowed his head on the surface of the table, closing his eyes against the sting of tears. He hadn't cried since his mother's funeral.

A feather light touch of a cool hand caressed his head, Kolyat almost jumping at the contact. He lifted his head slowly, finding a pair of golden eyes regarding him…her expression soft and open, not filled with fear. She even gave a small smile when he noticed she was coherent.

"Hello Kolyat."

**AN: Again, I know...I'm full of shit...but see? I didn't leave yall hangin for long and I shant with this cliffhanger either! So don't kill me Sever-Black! *runs and hides with her computer***


	12. Coming Back and Letting Go

"E-Evlin?" Kolyat asked, unsure if she was really back…

She smiled, lifting her hand to touch his face again.

Kolyat couldn't stop himself, he pulled her towards him. Burying his face in her neck as his arms crushed her upper body against his.

She stiffened, her entire figure going ram rod straight before she slowly relaxed, her own arms wrapping around his shoulders.

"I…I…" He couldn't speak, if he said anything all control over his emotions would shatter.

For once it was Evlin who calmed him down, "Shhhh…" She crooned, her hands running down his back in a soothing pattern, "Shhh…"

"I didn't think you were going to ever come back…" He finally was able to speak, though he ended up swearing in the next breath for his voice shaking.

"Kolyat…" She murmured, squeezing him gently.

He pulled away slowly, brushing the hair from her face, "Are you okay?" he asked before he realized how stupid that question was. Her face was marred by little cuts and bruises; she had a black eye and a split lip. He didn't want to remember what her body looked like, or what the batarians had done to her…Evlin was anything but okay…

"If you wouldn't mind letting go of me…my ribs hurt…" He saw her flinch slightly and all but leapt away from her.

"Sorry…I'm so sorry I wasn't thinking…" He swore again.

"Shhh…come back, you didn't hurt me much and I appreciate the warm welcome." He felt his posture relax with every smile she gave him.

He sat back down next to her, reaching out and grasping her hand as she shifted her body towards him, cringing and even yelping once as she did so.

"How badly have I been damaged?" She asked, her voice somewhat strained as she tried to curl into the fetal position.

"Hey, don't move much okay? Chakwas fixed your broken bones…but you need to let everything heal. You aren't getting off this table any time soon I'm afraid."

A new expression overcame her face as her eyes brightened and she almost glared at him, "Is Jax dead?"

Kolyat didn't like the way her voice changed…

"No…he got away."

The string of curses that left Evlin's mouth sounded alien to him…the words wrong coming from her.

He watched her jaw clench and her eyes glisten with unshed tears as she wrapped her arms around herself.

Vengeance was not a good color on her…

. . .

"Siha…"

"What? Don't give me that look; I gotta finish getting ready, jeez…" _And the fact that you're showering has nothing to do with it at all…noooooo…._

She approached the sink, grabbing her brush she began to turn the unruly mop of crimson tangles and snarls into something resembling order.

"I spoke with Evlin earlier…" She announced.

"Really? How is she?"

Trying her best to ignore the sight of the naked drell in her shower Brina responded to the mirror, "She seems to be getting better physically…though she yelps almost every time someone touches her, Kolyat said she allowed him to hug her when she came back, but she won't let him touch her in any way now. Hell she barely lets me give her a half hug…"

"Understandable considering what she has been through…" Thane murmured, a sliver of anger pierced his mind as he recalled what had been done to her but he quickly stifled it.

"I know…" Brina finished brushing her hair, straightening her uniform as she turned towards him, "I just have no idea how to help her…this seems like way too big a job for Kelly, but she's the only therapist on this ship."

"What about Samara? She is an Asari who has seen her fair share of tragedies, perhaps Evlin would open up to her…"

"Has anyone ever told you you're a genius?" Brina smiled at her assassin.

Thane chuckled, "No, no one has Siha, thank you."

Brina gave him a suggestive once over before sighing wistfully and turning towards the door, "Well the ship isn't going to run itself…work work work…" She grumbled.

Thane leaned out of the shower, "Siha…"

Brina paused, "Yes?"

He beckoned her to come closer, kissing her softly once she did.

Brina gave a soft moan as the kiss deepened, the moan soon turning into a shriek as Thane pulled her into the shower.

"You bastard!" She yelped, glaring at Thane as he threw his head back and laughed at her.

. . .

"Shepard."

"Samara! How did it go?" Brina tried to keep her voice steady. She heard Kolyat leap out of his chair in eagerness. They were in the Debriefing room, still unsure if all the Cerberus bugs had been cleared from the rest of the ship.

"Not well, she was unresponsive." The Justicar looked thoughtful, "It's almost as if she's switching herself on and off…I don't think she feels safe coming back to herself with Jax still around."

"Then we kill him." Kolyat growled.

"It's not that easy kiddo,"

"I WANT THAT BASTARD DEAD!"

"Kolyat!" Thane hissed, "Calm yourself."

The teal drell growled before throwing himself into a chair and placing his head in his hands.

"I want that too hon," Brina said softly, Kolyat stiffened as her hand squeezed his shoulder, but then to her great surprise he relaxed, "the problem is we don't know where he's gone. Evlin may know but she's not talking to us…"

"That's because you're fucking up."

All turned towards the doors, finding Jack glaring at them as if the last thing she wanted to do was be there.

"You got something to say Jack?"

"Yea," The biotic growled, "I got something to say. You're all idiots."

"Do you have anything different to share, something you don't already tell us?" Brina smirked.

"She doesn't need counciling, she needs someone who's been in her shoes. She's doesn't want help, she wants understanding."

"Why Jack," Brina murmured, "Are you offering what I think you are?"

Jack cringed, "Don't get all emotional on me Boss Lady, and don't go reading more into this than there actually is. I'd already be talking to her except the damn AI won't open the med bay doors unless you give us permission."

"EDI?"

"Yes Shepard?"

"Give Jack full access to the med bay."

. . .

"Quit playing possum kid, I know you're awake."

My eyes open slowly, vision blurring before Ms. Zero's face comes into focus.

She is sitting cross legged on one of the beds, glaring at the wall as she waits for me to respond to her.

I'm scared to…it's not like I don't want to, but I've just come back and I don't think I can handle facing Jax again. Never again.

I'm broken now, I wasn't before, but now I am. They took from me, things they never had before…

I'm ugly, damaged goods, not worth anything…I am nothing. There is nothing left.

"Bullshit." Jack snaps.

"W-what?"

"I can see where your thoughts are going, and they're bullshit."

"You can read minds?"

"No, I just know what I thought when this happened to me."

I stare up at her and she sighs, shaking her head before glaring at the darkened med bay windows.

"I was taken as a baby from my mother. They told her I'd died but in reality Cerberus had stolen me away. I was put through several years of torture, stuck in a cell while they tested all the unstable biotic treatments on other children before making me run the medical gauntlet myself. They'd then pit me against the other kids, rewarding me when I attacked and punishing me when I hesitated. I eventually escaped, but fell in with a bad crowd."

Her smile is cruel, though mirth fills her eyes, "It wasn't always bad, did a few things I'm actually quite proud of…but there were moments where, hell…you know how rape goes."

"Yes." It is a whisper, an exhale, a dark and tainted secret that is only comfortable to admit in shadow.

Ms. Zero stands and looms over me, her glare softens and I don't know if it is because she sees herself in me, or if I remind her of someone she once thought precious…

She kneels before me, a hand coming up to cup my chin, "Don't let it break you. You give into the shame and they win, acts like that are all about power and if you keep on like this and you will never be whole again." Her voice grows unsteady and I finally notice that the black lines running down her face are her tears. Her makeup is running, "You'll become me, and believe me when I say that you don't want that."

My eyes widen as she kisses my forehead before getting up, "Now wake the fuck up and get over yourself. Jax isn't the first enemy that's come after Shepard and that bitch took down a reaper, you're well protected on this ship."

She leaves as quickly as she arrived and I am left alone to process what she said.

The doors slide open an hour or so later and I smile as the foot steps that approach me slow, "Evie?"

I frame her face with my hands and watch her smile, "Hello Ma."

I then sit in her lap and cry. I scream and yell all the things I'd wanted to when Jax had me chained up, the words I wished I'd whispered in those men's ears as they moved over me…and then I weep more tears because I finally let go of the little girl I used to be.

She's gone now, there is no getting her back…but I won't let myself fade into nothing.

It is time to move on, time to heal…

And Ma holds me close through it all.

**AN: Bet y'all thought I was done huh? Nope, Evie's talking to me again and I missed you guys. :)**


	13. Author's Note: Rewrites are coming

**I am so sorry for this story fading into the background of FFnet. I have not forgotten you guys and I hope y'all haven't forgotten this story, though I wouldn't blame you if you did.**

**What's taking so long you ask?**

**I'm rewriting the whole damn thing.**

**I re-read all these chapters and they make me cringe. I feel like my writing has somewhat improved over on deviantART so I'm going to polish up a few facts, add in some new details and hopefully make Evlin's character a little better, a little deeper.**

**Also, I've kinda forgotten where I was going with some of the story arcs in here and so need to cut them free.**

**I'm not sure when I'll be done, but I'm working on things as fast as I can and hopefully I will eventually be able to finish this tale so I can post ME3 chapters of Odds and Ends.**

**I promise those who hang in there that the wait will be worth it and thank you to everyone who has enjoyed Lotus so far. I'll update once I've caught up the rewritten chapters with the ones I've already posted. :)**


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